WLS Update : 9 months post op

9 months post op - No way!



I do not know how this time keeps going by so quickly. It dawned on me Christmas Morning that at this time last year I was crying cause I was dissapointed that my surgery had been post poned. What a difference a year had made though -

here I was sitting in my chair which is way too big for me now, in sweats I hade bought on clearance last year after christmas in hopes I would fit into them ( a size 4/6 ) that are now too loose on me, and so different in each and every way now.

I am blessed and what better way to remember it?! I broke out the photos of last christmas to recall. This is still an incredibly painful thing to do. I had no idea how depressed the weight really made me and visa versa!



So ... 9 months here is where I am at.



Emotionally: I still have my struggles. More so with the fact that what the pro's warned be about others and how they handle my journey is true! Many are no ok with the fact that I changed my habbits, my styles and my needs. They dont handle me being selfish with my needs, despite the fact that other that food being for nutrition only now, I haven't changed for or with them in any other way. I struggle daily thinking and worrying about what others think and I am working hard to correct this. As we know its not about " them ". I don't cry as often as I used to, but I am still very much having " anxiety " attacks if you will, when I go out to eat, think about a big holiday or gathering with food etc. I work myself into a panic about wondering when and if I can eat ok when others are around. My comfort zones are well known as well as my comfort foods. Its clear now how much emotions really did play into my food choices back then.



Self Image : I struggle. I do now see " ME " in the mirror, but its not the reflection I expected to see. I don't expect anyone to know what that means but when I look I still see what I know of me. Loving, Caring, Fun, Happy, and Free..... just much smaller on the outside. Just as much as I used to pick myself apart when I was bigger, I do it now that I am smaller. I get sick at the sight of my skin, my rolls and my shape. It makes me sad to think I have no breast, no butt, and wrinkles in my face. I still do not beleive that I can go almost anywhere and buy a size 4/6 and " slip them on ". I am learning to be comfortable but it takes time... and I am still new.

The physcologist thinks I have moved into my new body... were working on the mind.



Self Esteem : WOW! I have always known who I am... but sometimes even I doubted it. Honestly this journey has brought to light many many things. One of them is just how strong I really am. Sure, I know I have endured alot - but at what cost? Now I know why, and that I can do many things on many levels.

I.e. Going back to work. I will use this as my most latest because it is the latest. I have been blessed to have great jobs in my past - a few of which I loved alot.... but this new one is amazing and I am led to beleive alot has to do with who and where I am in life at this moment. I cannot recall a time in recent years I could have been hired for this job, to be on my feet all hours of the day, touching, talking and being looked at my so many families day in and out... without fear of " of my gosh they think Im fat " running through my head! Its nice to not hide behind my phone as a receptionist because I have a great voice - but to be seen as a whole person. As much as I would have liked to think people didnt think I was big, fat or whatever they wanted to call me --- I was. They did!

Its all so different now. I love to slip on my work clothes, put on my make up and think - WOW I AM APRIL AND I CAN DO THIS!



Physically :

I am tired. They say this comes from the low iron levels. I am still anemic.

My bones ACHE!!! And I do mean ache - but they say its because your body isnt used to not having the fat padding it used to around all the joints, and bones in general. This gets better with time ( lord willing! ).

But I am doing ok. I am getting - for the most part - my 6 meals in a day, and am now slowly getting more active in hopes of finding that balance. Soon will be adding in swimming to the plan and looking forward to that!



Summary :

9 months post op RNY Bypass.

Currently about 130lbs and struggling to get back to the 135-140 range!

Size loose 4/6 bottoms and S/M on most tops.

Ring size is now a 7.5 ( was 11 )

Still not cycling normally, batteling thyroid and iron issues.





And since its been a few months since I have done measurments I will post this :



BODY PART DAY OF SURGERY (3/27/09) 6w VISIT (4/20/09) 3m post op (7/14/09) 4 month anniversary (7/27/09) 6m anniversary (9/27/09) & 9 month anniversary (12/27/09 )DIFFERENCE FROM SURGERY DAY!
Left Arm 14.5" 14" 12" 11" 10.75" 10.0" -4.5"
Left Thigh 28.5" 25.75" 21" 19.5" 18.5" 18.5" -10"
Left Calf -- -- -2.75" 14" 14" 13" 13" -3.75"
Chest ( across largest point in bra ) 50.25" 47.5" 42.5" 41" 38" 38" -12.25"

Waist 49" 45.5" 37" 35" 33" 31" -18"
Hips 50" 48" 42" 41" 37" 36" -14"
Neck 15.75" 14.75" 13.5" -- 13" 12.75" -3"
Wrist -- -- -- -- 6" 6" 6" 5.75"



Total loss 65.5+" in 9 months.

A Holiday that couldnt be beat!

I haven't had time to update lately so I am making myself sit here and do it now - better late than never!

A Holiday that couldn't be beat!
Christmas - in short, was simply wonderful this year!

It was spent at home and some of the family joined us later.
There was alot of fun that we had but really was just nice to be back to the basics and simple. We did not even " plan a dinner"! Everyone just brought something to share and it was wonderful!
Mike and I both had to work on Christmas Day so we celebrated on Christmas Eve.
Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Ann, Kandis, Ryan and Selina came to celebrate with us after most of us met at church at noon for service. We exhanged gifts with the kiddo's and enjoyed each other's company until it was time for bed.
Madaya was beat since earlier in the day she had her time with mommy and daddy and our little christmas together, then church ( a birthday party for Jesus ) and then of course her cousins and play time when everyone joined us!


Christmas Day we woke up at 5:30 am and while Mommy and Daddy got ready for work we made our traditional Breakfast of pigs in a blanket. We watched as Daya "opened" her stocking then off to work we went, leaving Daya and Grammy to enjoy the day.
No complaints other than I wish all our family could be together, and seriously this was one of the most joy-ful of holidays we have all shared in a while!
As for gifts we did great! Mike and I stuck to our budget of 150.00 for Madaya's gifts and Stocking ( we dont do santa so she does know its us! ) Thanks to great shopping on black friday she got a Motorized scooter, Art easel, Cherry Blossom Market, Art things, chair, 3 puzzles, 4 games and 2 outfits from gymboree and her favorite... a piano " an-o ".
* She was spoiled by many others too and those are not listed above.
Mike and Daya got me a scrapbook tote on wheels, 3 outfits from aeropostle and a pair of boots. Daya and I got daddy an aircompressor, sweatshirt, MP3 player, candy, and a pull up bar.
Our church blessed us all with Clothing! ( Which was very much needed! ) and was such a help to all of us!

We have sure felt the love lately and are truely thankful for all we have come to learn, endure and share with others!
We are wishing all of you a very happy 2010 and pray that you each and all realize just how much you mean to us and the world!
Mike, April and Madaya

Here are some photos from our day. I have not posted the ones of everyone here yet.

Will do soon!

Daya and her stocking

The frontroom before everyone came

Daya's new ornament perfectly suited : A dancing giraffe.

Sing with me guys!

Daya wearing her baby in the sling momma made for her!

Markers make her happy!

For roo - With love, Daddy and Mommy!

Roo's new wheels!

See roo go?

Daya made plates and Mugs for everyone!

Look .... I prayed for snow!

This morning when we awoke, we found ourselves ( and the rest of the world too! ) to have been abundantly blessed with God's white fluff.... Almost 6" to be exact!

No complaints here :)

Here is our fun for this morning...

Stomping it to make sure its real - I am sure.

" Momma it was this much! "

See! I like snow - Momma!

Can you see it... we sure can. 5.75" in the middle of the yard

- Now that's an answer to a prayer!

A diamond in the Ruff

Our family Christmas present has arrived ...

With much happiness we would like to introduce our new fur baby :

HANNA

Hanna ( and yes, we do plan to spell it this way! ) is 1 week old, and is lovingling coming to us when she is old enough from a friend of Selina.

We are so thankful for this blessing, and the ability to be able to add to our family.

It really was in God's time and way.

Hanna is a Golden Retreiver/Lab mix and is one of twelve puppies! She is chubby, weighs about a pound and is so tiny she fits in my hands cupped.

Her eyes are not open yet, but we will be getting pics when they do open via email - we will share her growth with you all too!

We got to paint her nails red today so they know who she belongs to, and we are so excited to be gathering a few things she will need while we await her homecoming. If all goes well we expect to welcome her home Early-Mid Janaury.

Mike, Madaya and I have been searching for a while now, and know this is why it took so long. Much like our previous fur babies this one had a meaning too!

Stay tunned for puppy news! ( and more pics as she grows )

Asleep in my scarf

Daya ♥'s Hanna!

Momma Daya and a sleepy Hanna

My Hanna

Hear- ye - Hear Ye- I LOVE MY JOB!

It is so great to be " doing something " again, whats even nicer is to be doing something for a company who helped you so much with your baby, and your needs and who loves you!

I work for Pediatrix Medical Group as a Newborn Hearing Screener - and I am in love!

Who wouldnt love handling new born babies day in and out?
But what I really love is knowing that with this test, that untill recentely wasnt availible is now such an invaluble resource for all parents and babies.

Its a labor of love, and I am doing it.

I know this job was sent by God because everything from how it came about to pay right down to how Madaya is handling things with mommy not being home FT is PERFECT ( I hope I dont curse myself )

If you want to read a little more about what I do please visit Pediatix Hearing Screens or email for more info.

No feeding tube!

The latest Dr's appointment brought the news that we were hoping to hear.
With the nutritionist's help we will be using more planning and diet to try to bring Madaya's weight up and for now will avoid the " feeding tube ".

Her weight : 20.9 lbs.

Now many have said shes " not that small " its not an issue of her being small. Its an issue of when a child doesnt progress in growth or keep a constant curve the dr's start to worry of complex issues like kideny failure, brain growth, milestones not being met etc!
Its dangerous and their bodies are much like ours as adults in the fact they must have certain amounts of fat, fat stores, and lean muscle to make everything move right.


We pulled her off of her medication for allergies as she is ... get this.... ALLERGIC TO IT!!! and are now trying some other things to help her stay healthy.

Her dr has her feeding every 2 hours, were using only whole grains and fibers, adding reall butter into anything she can handle and still making sure to avoid most things with dies, high fructose corn syrups ( TRY THAT DURING THE HOLIDAYS! ) and bleached flours.

To help with the environmental allergies weve gone back to bleaching the hard wood floors weekly with non-chlorine bleach, asking shoes to be removed in the entry way along with coats, and outerwear and avoiding much contact with cats, trees etc!

So far... so good.

Re-weigh in 1 month, but for now all looks well!

Schedule! Whats that?

I set my hours the other day with the Hospital and I think were on our way to a good Schedule....
if there is one!

I chose to work Everyother Monday, all Wednesdays, Everyother Fridays and every Saturday.
This would allow Daya's Schedule to look like this :

Mondays : Home with Daddy / Home with Mommy
Tuesdays : Home with Mommy ( Daddy works )
Wednesdays : Preschool - Full day
Thursdays : Home with Family Mommy and Daddy off ( unless one called in )
Friday : Preschool ( and mommy gets mommy day on the ones I don't work! )
Saturdays : Grammy Day
Sunday : Home with Family


:) Mike and I are so excited that this allow us to only need to place her in a school for 2 days a week and seems to allow us the ability to teach at home too.
Now obviously this will take a bit to fall in to and my sched. may need tweaked a little but for the most part this is how were looking.

I still have offers from friends and family for the days when things MAY come up!
We are very lucky to have this and know that Madaya will be well cared for always.
For making a decission we didn't think we would have to make, I think we came up with a pretty good one!

Thankful for Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving I think I was way to apprehensive about many things, now looking back I am so Thankful for what it is, and was and will be.

The Sunday before Thanksgiving at church pastor W gave his sermon on " Grace " and always being " Thankful "
Sounds easy right --- wrong. Slow down and think about this. How many times are you REALLY THANKFUL.

We as humans can and usually do find flaw in everything, and then turn around and put them down. I.e. when things are going bad, were not where we want to be, things arent our way....
In doing so we are not being truely thankful. We need to see the good in all things, and give thanks for that!
How many times has a bad thing led to a good thing? --- Ahh - see now your thinking! And you can see why it hit us hard too.

Mike and I agreed ( yes hes going to church too ;) ). We are guilty of playing the whoa is me, game and not always giving " grace ". We agreed that despite many things we feel ill about this Thanksgiving that there would be no time like the present to institute this new rule and we did.

You know what?!

Thanksgiving was SO easy, and honestly I have no complaints. Yes, I miss a few things and would have loved for it to be a bit different but I am truely giving Grace for what it was!

We had a wonderful day with many of our family and a few friends, and I learned some things that were very heart humbling.

We are thankful for so many things and even more so for being reminded of why!

Our family hopes you and your's had wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday's too and a very blessed Christmas season.

WLS UPDATE : Post Nutrition

I know some of you have asked, and I do read the emails I promise, but some things I just haven't shared purely out of need to keep it in until I knew what end was up or down.

My health is not what I would have hoped it to be for the most part, and the Dr's have been very concerned. I am still loosing weight till this day, and am having a hard time retaining anything I do happen to gain through food etc.
So --- While they have been busy doing all these thyroid tests ( which are a mess ) they decided I needed to see the new nutritionist and see what we can do to help.

I weighed in the other day fully clothed at 129lbs. NOT GOOD. Remember they wanted be no lower than 135 before skin revision because they estimate 15-20lbs in dead tissue and skin. Gross, but the truth is its just too skinny for me. Im boney, there is NO fat, and lots of tissue.
So to be healthy your body has to be at a healthy Body Mass Index ( BMI ) and I simply am too thin. Who would have thought?

We came to this - I met with the new NUT. and she said she wants me to stop working out and being so active in hopes of slowing the metabolisum for now, and bumping up my calories to 1500 a day. HA - talk about a mind trip, its really hard to do.
She went over my labs and said my vitamin levels, and hormones except for the iron are perfect. I am extremely anemic and my blood cells are suffering and are small because of it so thats impeding alot too.
My thyroid is the other mess, its now extremely HIGH and they have agreed to check every 4 weeks now and just did another change. I am no on 125mcg of Levoxyl and .5mg of Cytomel.
I wouldnt have thought I would go from being HYPO to HYPER and the Dr's are just as perplexed. Were working hard on these three things :

1. Weight Gain/Maintain
2. Thryoid Uptake - Maintain ( its estimated this will take 5 more months )
3. Iron Levels ( they think this ties to thyroid and iodine uptake too )

So .... I am 8 months post op weighing around 130lb and doing good for the most part. I am hitting all my NUT goals, its just not staying with me. I am not TRYING to loose more, but scarely its happening!
I also have a big challenge ahead as I go back to work on a busy nursing floor this coming week. This will play into intake and output for sure and I will see the NUT ( who happens to be in the same office I work in ) mid week to see how I am doing.

I am blessed to have such a team behind me!

Please let me say that even though SOME things arent great compared to my health 1 year ago I am 97% better! Its amazing what this journey has done.
Pics to come soon!

Quick Stats :
Height : 5'3"
Weight: 126-130lbs
Hair : Not falling out anymore, infact coming back in curly!
Size : Pants 4, Shirts M, Bra 32B
weight lost : 96-100lbs

As the Allergist Digest turns...

Mike took Madaya to her Allergist yesterday and had the next set of allergy testing done along with the follow up and visit for her recent actions.

Madaya has been sneezing, complaining of a sore throught and mouth, itching her eyes, snoring, being moody, distended belly, and wheezing most days lately for the past 2 months ( it started the week before her birthday party ). We had her to the pedi 2 times and both times she repeated that it appears to be brought on my allergies and her system in general the fevers spike, the nose gets clear and runny yet we never find anything - so we waited for this appointment.

The Dr that saw her was new to us, because her Dr. is out on maternity leave, so he was on the cautious side and wanted to know exactly who and what with Madaya which lead to an all over exam again and going back to the basics.

We started with things in our home. I.e. Dog, Rabbit, Fruit, Veggies etc... and then went on with other things we have noticed I.e. Cat, Trees, Grass, Mold ....

All of those two panels were negative except : Cat ( all 3 markers ) Dog ( 1 marker - Long Hair ) and the other environmental were all 1's. They think because she is in a " Histimine Reactive " state right now so some will have to be repeated.

The cat allergy was severe at a 9+ of 8 @ 15 minutes. And the Dog 1:8 @ 20 min.
The route for now it to bring her into check and to get her regular again. She is out of it, moody, bouncing off the walls, and a truely uncomfortable state most of the day.
We will treat with allergy meds 2 times a day, and using her new ProAir Inhaler 4 times a day or as needed to control the asthma that is coming along with these reactions.

We have to keep a record of reactions, places weve been etc for 3 months and see if we can find a pattern.
The allergist and Immunologist says that these things sometimes just get worse with age, instead of better and maybe thats the case with Roo. Last time the cat was a mild reaction of 2:8. and Dog 0:8.

Here is hoping to some quick releif though and finally some answers.

Let the momma guilt begin. I should have known better. She hasn't been herself in a while.

Thyroid Scan results

The results of Friday's thyroid scan were just as we suspected but not as bad :).
It's a tricky situation and will take alot to figure out.

My thyroid is really inlarged and shows much sign of being over active or over stimulated. The meds they have me on are not bringing it within range yet and we will be working harder to obtain those results.

I am starting to feel many of the effects of it being too high. I am hungry ALL THE TIME, eating way more, still loosing weight way to quickly, racing heart esp when up and moving, headaches and blurred vission. I am also still having troubles sleeping and with my emotions and feeling anxious. They assure me that all it is, is that its out of control.

I am thankful they don't think its cancer at this point and that the enlargement of the glad can be fixed, but that doesn't mean I am healthy or that we know what next.

I guess I have to put my big girl panties on and wait it out but damn, this sucks!

My daughter would love to have her calm, collected momma back and my husband could use his wife with her hormones in check and emotions to follow.
It's a good thing they love me - I have been a mess!

Daycare Vs. Preschool = We have a headache

I was offered and accepted the PT position as a Newborn Hearing Screener and Mike and I decided we better line up child care now.

My job won't start really until DEC 7th with only 1 day a week for training for this week and next then 2 weeks FULL TIME then stepping into my normal routine/schedule so its been hard to see where, and when we need care.

I have a close family friend who said she would be willing to keep Daya and that's still a close running but we have to figure travel time, gas and cost of food etc.
With that we decided maybe we would try Pre-School as I know at must she will only need 3 days a week just about 4-5 hours those days tops.

Ha - We have been to every place in the city trying to find a place for our lil roo and only 4 are in our relm of consideration.

Here is our headache :

Do we put her in a scheduled pre-school where she could learn most of the day and have some playtime or do we put her in a " daycare " where she plays most of the day and learns minimally other than through interaction?!
All are about cost wise the same, some just offer more of a structure which we do beleive Daya thrives on.
However is doing that to her all the time healthy?

Weve been trying to weigh this option too.... what about preschool 2 days a week and family care/sitting 1 day a week. Happy medium?!


Oy....

It will really help next week when I know about what the schedule MAY be. There is a chance I won't need to put her anywhere more than 4-5 hours total a week?! We will see ...

Until then we are open to ideas!
( please note that my wages arent much to pay a ton in childcare )

Disney On Ice : Worlds Of Fantasy

Mike and I got tickets to go to Disney on Ice : Worlds Of Fantasy with Madaya this year. We wanted to take her but thought tickets were a little pricey. Upon googling late at night one night however I found a great deal on seats 2 rows back from the ice! The next morning I called SIL and asked if she wanted to take Toria too - Of course who wouldn't right?!

We went tonight and it was fabulous. Madaya loved every minute of it and our seats were great. We really were able to see alot.
Madaya was much of a character as she started to get mad because Tinkerbell wasn't coming out when the other shows were. She did not want to wait to see her - but when she came it was well worth the wait ...

Here is the down fall. First of all I didn't bring my " baby" ( camera ) and only had my point and shoot ( they took it away last time I tried ) and selina armed with only her Iphone and PNS camera as well.... we werent able to get much as to pics, and BOTH OUR BATTERIES DIED and we couldn't get shots of the best at the end. Grrrr...

All in all though so worth it and so fun, and the look on the girl's face when the show was going alone is worth way more than we paid in time and dollars :)

( I will post pics when the battery is strong enough to load them! )

Back to work I go

Despite the issue of my health as of lately I have decided to go to work PT. 2 main reasons 1.) To make me feel more usefull ( cause being super mom doesnt always cut it! ) and 2.) To pay for daya to go to preschool and get her some routine other than momma.

I took my time and did not really apply too many places mainly because its not a MUST. But 2 weeks ago I applied for my dream job ( ok close to ).

And today ...


I GOT IT!


I will be the Newborn hearing screener for Sacred Heart Hospital/Pediatrix Med corp. and will start 11/23!!!!!!

More details to come but they are working on getting my office and supplies ready for me and I am so excited!

We will now have to mad hunt for preschool/child care for roo....

Fingers Crossed!

My today.

This is our blog about yesterday, TODAY and tomorrow so here is my post for today.

Today I am very sad, but in a way a little releived. I guess you can say I was holding or trying to hold on to a friendship that I loved dearly.
Its been missing a while and today I found out that really we just don't fit at all. Not in anyway. Both selfish I guess and deffinetely in different stages of life. Someday I bet they will see but for now I will let it be what it is.
It hurts because it wraps up many many many emotions and things and memories and it stings because shes jaded and beleives only what she wants to.

the thing I thinkI hate the most is she belelieves I must sit around with the " family " and talk shit about others, when in reality I don't think anything has been said but " we miss.... " in AGES they nipped that in the butt and people in general knew its not our thing. sigh... insecurity is what they warned me about.

Many warned us of this from our friends to my physcologist so in all honesty I am going to try to get through this with out too much fret.

It really sucks that it happened near the holidays and near so much going on in our lifes but what they said rings true and no matter what they will still be family.

Just family that apparently we will get to see on their terms in their ways once a year? Lord knows its not going to be this year?!

Its scarey because I think about the things they will miss, the things they wont know or even care about and lord forbid the bad things too.

I will continue to update this blog since it is our family blog though and maybe that way they can kind of see and not have to pretend.

Madaya does have her specialist apt monday to discuss the options of a feeding tube, and the allergies back to back 8 am and 10am.
My cancer screens are this Fri - and next week.
and Mike leaves mid January if all is on track.

Looks like a couple of people get to say " I told you so " and that sucks too. I hate it when people say that!

Name Change

Guess what Guess what?!

You said what?

Ok ---- WE GOT OUR NAME CHANGE PETITIONS!!!

now all that's left is we have to just file them in the Superior courts ( which we still plan to do before the new year ).
And then wait for them to be finalized :). ( add in lots of name change paperwork and records )

Mike and I are super excited. Once thats done we also plan to file legal gaurdianship of Madaya and our living and last testiment wills. All long over due, scarey to think about but must be done.

With Mike going in the service soon, and me just being me its a must that we get these done, recorded and know exactly what happens. The service makes us have it all done apparently. wow - if thats not comforting right/! UGH


If any of you have any input on wills, gaurdianship wishes and or legal matters we would be really interested in hearing your ideas. If it helps solve issues later then great!
Please email us if you have something or advice to share.

Oh I was going to say that No we are not planning on renewing our vows yet ( I secretly think the MR has something up his sleeve though ) and Yes, we will have a service to dedicate Madaya and our new family :) We will keep you posted.

When he goes...

When he goes :

What will we do?
Who will keep me company when I am wide awake staring at the ceiling at 2am?
What kind of joy will daya and I find in " family time "?
Who will support me as much and as fully and my best friend?
Will he know just how much he is loved and missed?
Will he think of us each second as much as we will think of him?
What will it be like to not talk to my other 1/2 for days on end?
What will he look like when he comes home?

When he goes - what happens to us?


Does he have to go?

Do you guys even know?

I heard loud and clear today that again ( despite our tries to not be in it all ) some of the family is very upset with me because ( this is just one reason I guess ( But I am confused ) ) I didn't let them see Madaya on Halloween?!

I took a deep breath before I wrote this, got all my crying out and thought about it and all I want to ask are these things:

Do you guys even know why/ or what has been going on with Madaya? Why we didn't go trick or treating or everywhere or what we even DID do for Halloween?

Did you know she has been so sick and underweight again that they are talking a possible feeding tube if we can't figure her out and keep her up on the charts by her adjusted 3 year mark, we are doing asthma treatments 4 times a day via nebulizer, and lets add in there the added meds for her stomach which apparently is still under developed and not closing causing lots of reflux and her weight loss. She was sick for 3 weeks before halloween, all through halloween, and still just now recovering although this past weekend was a set back.

Do you guys even know that I myself have been super ill. My thyroid is giving me hell - and they are screening for thyroid cancer. I have been sickly and not doing well at all. Lets add to this the anemia and my lack of any energy. No worries though the Dr's have me under control.

Do you guys know that we do miss you and love you but get frustrated that we don't seem to be good enough for any of you? that we don't ever seem to fit in with your busy plans, and lifes. It sucks.

Do you guys know we weren't really having " Tofu turkey " and that it's not very nice of you to make fun of how we eat healthy if you choose not to understand it or ask?

Do you guys even know what else is going on ... do you want to?

Do you guys even know how much we want our FAMILY together way more often, and not just for the " HOLIDAYS " ?

I wish you would have just come to me - not said anything to her about how hurt you are by us, because again it causes problems. Things for us are no different. We are just waiting to see when you guys figure out that we have been here the whole time. To find out where we do fit with you.
Of course I want to see you all for the Holidays I want to see you more than that - but sounds like we don't even get that chance. Sucks.

Do you guys even know?

Thyroid scares me.

2 weeks ago I got a call from my Endo that my thyroid levels were at a deadly level. Litterally. They call it " Thyro-toxicity ". Turn a long story shorter : She prescribed a beta blocker to protect my heart and get things sponged up and lowered my meds 75% will retest in 4-6 weeks.

What scares me ...

Well.
The fact that for the past 17 years we have been dealing with Thyroid issues only 3 times have we ever managed to get a handle on it and get the levels right. I have always had " a goiter " which is a large mass in my throught and I have been struggling with the weight gain from being " HYPO (low) thyroid " It appears since surgery however that I am now HYPER ( too high ) thyroid and that brings issues of its own in to play. This last scare was new to me and upon researching what it meant it has become clear that I MAY have a cancerous lump or a non-cancerus cyst on my thyroid. We will pursue more testing to be sure but even the endo is hard up for answers as to why with great care my thyroid is still all over the place.

There is something going on ( other than rapid weight loss ) that is preventing my system from getting the correct level of thyroid hormones. sometimes my natural thyroid seems to work and others not so much... scarey!

lets add this current issue and mind thought : Its virtually impossible to get pregnant and stay pregnant with a thyroid with killer cells ( most thyroid patients have killer cells if levels arent controlled ) and its apparently deadly if the levels become too high. Ie. heart attack, shock and even poor circulation can happen causing permanate damage. Damn it I just want to be normal. I don't have the ability to fight all this much longer. It's a dangerous game to play - adjusting meds all the time not to mention what it does to emotions, depression issues, anxiety, and even body. I am a mess. I want it figured out.


This next week they will be doing a Ultrasound and repeat tests on the thyroid to see where my levels are and IF there is something we will come up with a plan.
The other thought that is possibly since I am post RNY surgery it may be my system not absorbing the meds correctly.
I am now putting on weight - thank god - but that has to be watched because too much can be bad.

The thyroid controlls EVERYTHING!


Thyroid scares me!

No guys, not this month :)

OK ladies, I know some of you are super curious, but seriously we do not want this infertility trial and ttc journey to be like last.

We are not trying to obsess over each day and each way possible ( but you know it happens a little ).

The answer to many of you is " NO WE ARE NOT PREGNANT " this month.

We just started our 2nd round of fertility meds, and again just playing the " natural as possible " route.

Most of you know that I am also going through the cancer screening, thyroid testing and still batteling with Madaya's health - so TTC is not really on the front burner either :)

We love you for all your support though and to help ease some of the anxiety I have removed some of the info for you chart stalkers.

We will tell when we are ready and when it happens!

Paw-perfect friend wanted... ( again )

We are looking for a new addition to our family .... Again.

We had adopted Katie from the fair, and after trying to acustom her to our home, and family it didn't work. The pound contract said she had to be returned to them in any event so thats what happened.
We are sick over it, and hate that Kia ( our other dog ) had to endure so much pain ( for those of you who don't know - she was being attacked during play and bit way too much! ). Kia's bigger wounds are slowly healing, and our hearts are slowly too but we are lonely.

The pound said we have 90 days to try to find another placement but its not going so well...
Please if you know of anyone with a younger dog pref a male please let us know.

Were not too picky but would preffer a larger breed, and must not be on the " X " list as we are still renting for 2 more years.

..... Help us find a new fur baby!

The Interview

In the past few months some of you have come to know that I feel the need to go back to work part time.
I am not in a huge hurry as its not really a MUST, but rather a want for my personal sanity. As much as I love being home with Madaya it is also a big challenge and we are starting to see some behavior that we feel needs nipped in the butt.
We have agreed pre-school will help but that means a couple of hours a day out of the house for her, and that means bordom for me. So why don't I do something to feel more needed and meaning ful.

I have found the job I have been wanting and it would be a perfect mix. I had 2 phone interviews and then a 3rd interview in person... just waiting to hear if I get it or not.

If given this chance it means alot for us. It means madaya will be going to a pre-school or a mix of pre-school and child care, we would be able to save a few hundred a month ( not much but better than nothing ) and it would mean I can still go ahead with attending school in the near future for my BSW.

I won't post many details yet cause I am just sure I will jinx it but theres something on the horizon ...

Stay tunned!

Here's how I presented...

Ok?!

Make the change...

This may be a touchy post for many and I usually try not to do things like this cause its kind of against my " rules " so to speak.

I decided to go ahead with releasing this because after going to group the other night I realized something. People can't change if they don't know!

Mike is down 90+ lbs in a year, and I am of course post RNY right now and down myself, but his weight loss is purely natural. No additives and no suppliments. He is eating right by learning to curve and cut out some of the things he assumed to be " ok ". The nutritionist is a great book of knowledge and we have both learned so much. Mike is tyring to drop quickly so he is consuming around 1700 calories a day - Everyone will be different, so this is only an ideal.

How many times have you heard from ANYONE about how " They don't like how big they are ", " They don't think they eat wrong " " They don't get why they are STILL not loosing "
We all hear it from many people, and usually the answer back for most is " If you are happy then be happy " or something like " no your fine ! ".

The cold hard truth is many of " us " even if thin are extremely unhealthy and most are overweight if not the O word ( which you all know I hate ).

The truth : 9 in 10 americans are overeating at EVERY MEAL! Are you?

I talked to my NUT about this and she said I should share the wealth of knoweledge and just maybe 1 or 2 may learn something and use it. My PhYs. Agreed and this has since become my " homework. "

This can help anyone wanting to drop as little as 1 lb, maintain their current weight or even loose more...

no one has asked for anything in particular if you dont think you have a problem, I urge you to think again, and then read....
If you can't or don't want to hear about HEALTH and WEIGHT and NUTRITION then here is your warning to not go forward!


*********************************************************************************

First there's a ton of info out there on healthy life style changes. I hate the word DIET, always have and always will. I have had to make major chances not a diet, and this will be in place forever. Google simple healthy low -fat recipes and soak it all up. ( I also have a ton if your interested ) Try www.Nutritiondata.com

Second use a calorie counter of some sort. I use and LOVE www.dailyplate.com because you can put in what you have had for that day and it computes it for you. It also will tell you what you SHOULD be eating calorie wise for your weight goals and help you customize this - this can come in handy for printing shopping list, family meal plans etc! There are several other methods too ( weight watchers points, spark people, AOL health, etc... ).

Third for 3 days before you start making any changes take time to write down on a peice of paper EVERYTHING AND HOW MUCH goes into your mouth. Be sure to count liquid too because many don't realize how many empty calories they are consuming! ( I.e. Lattae @ approx 500kcal, 1 glass milk at 120kcal, soup can exceed 400kcal per normal consumption )

now when you have decided to make some simple changes lets get down to this : There are hidden issues in EVERYTHING! You think your doing something healthy but are you?

Keep Journaling all your doing! It helps keep you accountable and makes you see what your REALLY doing.

1. Pay close attention to serving sizes & labels
Did you know that 1 box of " pasta roni " ( this based on white cheddar shells FOR REFFERENCE ONLY ) should serve about 2 and 1/2 people!? Sounds like alot but not really when considering that label is assuming to be part of a 2000 calorie diet. Really it should be feeding about double what it says if used as a side dish!
So lets use that label as listed assuming this is your MEAL ( no other food or drink ). Prepared as directed would be 380 calories per person x 2.5 = 950 calories in the whole box! If a person was to eat this it would be 1/2 the days allowance really and thats just calories that AREN'T being used. Yes there are ways to modify the calories but still in all be sure to pay attention to the pasta and sauce itself. In reality the milk and butter are just adding that much more, theres alot hidden as is! Read more...
On that same label for one serving ( remember this is a 2000 cal plan ) its saying you will have received 40% of your daily allowance for SATURATED FAT! and 22% of your allow for FAT.
Skip the extras.

2. Do not consume calorie laden beverages. If you do make sure your counting them and DO NOT DRINK WITH A MEAL!
These beverages ( and ANY others ) go right through you and DO count for calorie intake and does NOT COUNT for nutrition ( or count minimally )

* our bodies do not know the difference as to where the calories are coming from. So if your drinking the calories your body still counts it as food.

For example :

White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks® 16 oz Grande
16 fl. oz. Calories 470 Fat Calories170 Total Fat (g)18
Saturated Fat (g)12 Trans Fat (g)0Cholesterol (mg)50Sodium (mg)240
Total Carbohydrates (g)63Fiber (g)0Sugars (g)59
Protein (g)15 Vitamin A15% Vitamin C0% Calcium50%Iron0% Caffeine (mg)150

Whole Milk : 1 cup (8oz) Whole Milk
Amount per Serving Calories 150Calories from Fat 70%
Daily Value *Total Fat 8g12%Saturated Fat 5g 25%Cholesterol 35mg 12%
Sodium 120mg Potassium 380mg 11% Total Carbohydrate 12g 4% Sugars 11g
Protein 8g

Stick to water, tea ( with no sugar or sugar free sweetner ), coffee ( no cream or sugar ) etc.

3. Cut out the " snacking " " grazing " and " just - one's ".
For example : Just one palm full of peanuts/nuts can be 220cal 1/2 of which from fat.
1 yogurt min. is 100 cal, 1 tsp of sauce, gravy etc 30 cal.

Even if its " veggies " don't graze they still count!

4. Eat dense healthy foods and proteins first.
Pay attention to serving sized when dishing, but make sure your eating your meat, veggies and whole grains firts. Avoid the sliding foods like yogurt, cottage cheese, jello, salads etc that can go through you too quickly and aren't that nutritious. Use those foods as your mid-meal replacements.

5. Avoid using oils, fats, butter and sauces to cook.
You may think 1tbs of Extra Virgin Olive Oil is healthy, or that only 1tsp of butter is ok.. but LOOK at what your adding to your foods. EVOO can have 100 cal all from fat in 1 table spoon! Yikes right?! Yes, you need some fat, but make sure your getting it from proper places so that your body stores it in proper places and not our naughty zones!

Ok so theres a short list of simple things you can do.

Theres many tips ANYONE can use. All the of the above are for full stomachs no WLS patients so please becautioned if you have had WLS this is not right, our plans are modified considerably.

If any of you are serious about wanting to change and need help or inspiration please email us. I would be happy to help. We are great at modifing recipe's and looking at over all intake as well.

We love each of you and support you!

Do it for your health!

* I wanted to note, after a nasty email ( thanks butt face! ) that I AM THIN, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I AM HEALTHY , NOR DO I THINK I KNOW IT ALL. I havn't spent these thousands of dollars and counteless hours to not let things sink in. I am working hard to gain and maintain weight while increasing my health. Even with that I am way healthier than I was 100lbs ago. They say a 10% loss for anyone is a huge improvement in health! I challenge you do try it!

And to answer you -Yes, I have had a blizzard and even a bannana split. This doesn't mean I have 3 a week or need them. It was a treat. I am glad you were so quick to judge me though from another state even! IMPRESSIVE!!

WLS : Faced my fears...

... And won!

Mike and I attended Epicurean Delight lastnight.

My fear : A room full of high end foods, deserts and the best wine this city has to offer.... and me wanting to have it all.
My reality : I am better than that and I CAN AND DID MAKE GREAT CHOICES!!! ( and looked fabulous doing so ;) ).

It's an emotional thing for me, so I won't detail much right now that I know some of you cannot understand but I want to talk about it in depth I just need a minute. I wan't to be honest and say that it IS JUST NOW I am coming into the mind that THIS IS WHAT I AM!

( Sad - BUT TRUE ).

These pics will say alot I think! Please remember I am only 7 months post op!

I promise to blog more about it later but I know some of you curious cats wanted to know ( thanks for the text this morning to check on me K! )

Happy Halloween!

Madaya hasn't been herself lately, and has been pretty sick. Some cold stuff, but mostly tummy issues and in general poor health. Much like any other halloween so far, we were wondering if she would even get to enjoy it - this year she did - barely, but she did.

We had a great day by going to Toys R Us for a parade and trick or treating with the giraffe, and then chucky cheese to play and have lunch and then mobius kids to have a halloween party. Madaya enjoyed it and it allowed us to not be swarmed with many people - every where we went was pretty quiet and dead. At the end of the day ( 8pm ) she was ready for bed as were we and we had alot of smiles to be shared :)

Madaya was a peacock and even was on the news tonight. She won a costume contest at mobius and will be enjoying her prizes for months to come ( free skating, ice cream, gift certificates and more! )

This was one of the best halloweens fun wise - but we didnt get much trick or treating in wich is ok since she is allergic to the corn syrup and dies, she doesnt get candy much anyways!

We didnt even get to see many family or friends - but hope you all had fun!

Here's a glimps at some of it though ( and the news cast is to be coming to us! )

Cake walk ( only no candy here - just fun and stickers! )

A peacock CAN FLY!

Checking out some prizes from her winning bag

Daddy and Daya love MOBIUS!

Daddy and Daya playing at CEC

Momma looking annoyed... tired... or just curious?



Check out the moves... and the tail

SMILE

Daya goes to the dentist

Mommy and Daya with Dr. Molly!

Attempting to let the asst see in her mouth..

Trying out the posistion ( those are TV's in the roof! )

Maybe this chair will work - the big kids like it its gel filled!

Before it all started...

... And hates it :(

Do you blame her? She has a tiny mouth ( thanks to momma!) and a horrible gag reflex ( gain momma )

Today we took Madaya to meet her dentist for the first time. She hasn't been before and we wanted to wait until she could comprehend what was going on... Oy! Bad plan? I dunno but it was a mess. I ended up having to hold her down to get her to be ok with them cleaning - she tried every chair in the office to no avail. and the only thing we accomplished was tears - But hey she got a rubber ducky and a tooth brush LOL! Go daya!

She hated them touching her, cleaning her teeth, trying to take Xrays and in general the idea of it all. She did however LOVE dr. Molly and the office staff, along with the office. So we will be going back soon for a hands on orientation so to speak. We will work her in slowly!

They did say her bottom teeth are much too crowded ( we knew this as some are sideways ) and that shes been grinding her teeth, and that her bite however is perfect!

Yeah!! Heres some of the cuteness!

WLS update : 7 months

Today marks 7 months since my WLS post op began.

I am below goal and working hard on staying in the 135 range - not as easy as it sounds.

I promise I am done loosing for the most part ( until I have my skin/reconstruction done )

So whats new?! Well, besides the obvious changes I am going through alot inside my body too. It has stopped making thyroid at all now ( or again, I should say ), I am retaining water like its never going to see fluid again, my joints are killing me ( most likely from the arthritus ) my lupus is flaring often, and my iron levels and blood counts are not very good at all...

No need to worry though - these are all very normal for someone who has been through so much and lost so much weight so rapidly.

I am being taken care of very well, and am working hard on replenishing my system.

I am too lazy to measure myself right now - but the only thing I think thats changed is just more in the belly area.

I am wearing a S/M on top, and 4/6 in most jeans, pants. Scale today says 134.5lbs.

Daya is a mini me :)

Someone asked ( and thank you its a GREAT question! ) " What DO you eat?! " and my answer is this :
I am not limited to what I can eat, only as to how much of it I can eat. I choose not not eat many carbs, sugars, fats and starches simply because MY system does not handle them at all. Some of my favorite foods are yogurt, salad, chicken, and I really enjoy PIZZA as my treat!
I still dont drink/eat much dairy and high protein because MY kidneys don't handle it - however many post op'ers do just fine with some of those things.

My goals: To continue to improve my over all health, and maintain my new life style.

It took me 6 1/2 months to reach my goal. To date I have lost 96lbs.

Who let the dorks loose?!

I don't know but I am glad they did!

Today Mike and I took Madaya to see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs - We didn't know what to expect or think really, but we were going to see it in 3D - None of us have ever seen anything in 3d before like this...

WOW is all I have to say. It was incredible! We can't wait to see A CHRISTMAS CAROL when it comes next month because its so life like.

EVERYONE SHOULD GO SEE A 3D movie right now! :).

Here's a glimps of the dork-o family having fun!

Getting ready...

Now thats style!

The binky fairy: An answer to our prayers!

As I posted last night we have been working hard on getting rid of the paci, we have turned to the idea of the " binky fairy" and so far so good.

I wanted to share with you the videos of her getting ready for bed/giving paci's to the binky fairy and also the morning after...

It's 5pm the day after now and she hasn't asked of it much, but when she does I have been re-directing her to the new toy she received!

The binky fairy left madaya a gift bag with a nice little note in it ( see video ) and a barbie with a dog. The barbie kills me and I am sure the " binky fairy" had no idea, but the dog that came with the barbie eats and poops! Seriously! I am sure there will be some blogging to do on that subject alone!

For now -

a paci free family!

Binky Fairy

I cannot believe I of all people am about to post something to strange, silly and just so make believe! This is so not my cup of tea .... but when it comes to Madaya, as most of you know, it makes all the difference in the world.

Mike and I have tried just about every trick in the book to get Madaya to stop the " paci " habbit. We have cut the nipples, dipped the nipples in sour things, tried " cold turkey " , tossed one in the trash, " left one behind " and just honestly anything to try to get her to stop. We should get awards for the patence we have shown ( or maybe not?! )

So here we are 3 years 3 weeks after the day I NEVER wanted her to get the darn addiction in the first place chasing our lively lil miss all over the house while she giggles through this blue colored peice of plastic hanging loosely in her mouth - cute right?! NOT!
Earlier this week I posted on facebook for advice to help her stop, and one of my friends ;) so nicely shared the info on the " Binky Fairy ".

Honestly ( she is gonna kill me ) I rolled my eyes at first and said what a bunch of crap! I kept reading, following the links I was finding, reveling in the videos parents had posted claiming great succsess and just gonna say Ha - whatever people... when daya heard me listening to a video. Luckily the video was of a child opening a gift left behind for her giving her paci away and daya was very courious!
I followed her lead and answered all her questions as to what I was watching etc, and then the light bulb in my head went off.

Madaya was so full of smiles and her eyes literally glistened when I was talking of the " binky fairy " so maybe these other parents had it right - MAYBE this was my answer too - I needed a fairy!

I sat daya down and told her the story. " In 5 days the binky fairy will be here to check our trees to see if we have any binkies to give away to new babies. She works hard at her job, like daddy does ( cause daya totally gets that! ) and she needs to bring some binkies to the new babies because they dont have any. She likes it when big girls don't need them anymore because they are full of love and will make the babies really happy! " Daya LOVED it ... she wanted to give the new babies her binky right away. Now, right away wasn't going to happen because a 3 year old doesnt really get it all right then - so we embarked on our 5 day mission!

Tuesday night I gave her the paci before bed ( in its poor shape, nipple half off from the previous atempts ) and told her " love your binky tonight because you only have 4 more sleeps with it... "
and so on the next few nights!

Friday night ( night #4 ) we were at my SIL's house and Daya had already gone all day without the paci or even asking, so I just followed the natural flow. She fell asleep on the couch around 10pm and stayed asleep until we got home and then through the night...
( GUESS WHO HAD TO MAKE AN EMERGENCY LANDING ?! )
Daya awoke in the morning to ask " Did the binky fairy come? I can't find my paci ? " to which this momma happily replied ... " LETS SEE ... "
She did. She left a small toy for daya to unwrap with a note that said to remember to put all the paci's out Saturday night because she knows how big she is and how great shes doing!

Daya soaked it up and loved every bit of it.

Today ( Saturday ) we went all day, including nap, again without the paci. Although she asked for it often we stayed strong and I reminded her that the binky fairy is coming for them and the babies really need them more! Shes been ok and knows that she should have something in the morning to look forward to.

I video tapped tonights paci packing and we took them to the porch to put outside for the binky fairy to come get. As I type this she is fast asleep in her bed and only had a fit for about 5 minutes over not having it at all...


This mommy is REALLY hoping the binky fairy comes tonight!
( and you can bet I will update! )

The infertile mertile in me...

is making sure we wait, will, and wish to get pregnant!

So here we are a new month, and like we were waiting for we decided it would be time to begin our new journey in life to become parents of a second blessing if God deems it right!
Althought our timing is never right - it will never be right and this is the choice we have made for our family it works for now and thats the plan - we wait.

Anxiously we spoke with all the dr's as we knew the risks, the benefits and are fully aware of what pregnancy means to me, my body and my health. All 4 doctors agreed that this may be scarier than the first time, but at the same time we know so much more. All have agreed to proceed with caution and great care - we will.

I had to take hormones to make me cycle, its thought I had a chemical pregnancy about 3 months ago and I never bled or anything after that ( too much going on with my body to know why ) one thing is clear though PCOS is still very much an issue in my life, and that means unfortunately my body is not working properly for reproduction. I took the hormones, started to bleed and am now mid way through a week of fertility pills. The Dr's let us try Femara this month and we will see if its enough to jump start ovulation. So far its been pretty easy on my kidneys ( clomid before wasnt - it raised estrogen levels too high ) and we will have to just wait and see now for a couple of weeks to see if I will ovulate. Were only trying the basics at this time and we are keeping our fingers crossed - we wish.

There is a ticker on the side of the blog to help some of you who care to, follow along!

Here we go on our journey to make madaya and big sister!

Momma No- No #999... or something along those lines.

If I had a dollar for every mommy no-no I have made - well I would be rich. I really should have started counting from birth!

So here you go --
This mommy has a no-no to share!

Today I was trying to talk to roo. We were standing near the trash can in the kitchen, discussing lunch options.
Ever had a discussion with a 3 year old about why we MUST eat vegitables? I was quickly getting frustrated because shes yelling at me about how she doesnt want beans, or broccoli and she will not do this and will not do that, and told me to SHUT MY MOUTH! when I 1/2 out of my mind reached out, snag'ed the blue peice of plastic and silicolon that she lovingly sucks on way too much, out of her mouth and through it into the nearby trash can. With all my gusto I said " and that paci can be done too! " after I scolded her for yelling at me in such a way.

it gets worse...

She threw herself on the ground, started crying uncontrollably about how she loves paci and she needs paci and mommy is mean! shes sorry for paci etc!
My heart melts, I'm mad at her for her attitude and even more mad at me for mine!

Needless to say later I did appologize and gave her the beloved ( and freshly sanitized ( thankfully the can was empty ) ) back with the warning that we were still going to work really hard this week on getting rid of the paci because she is a big girl now...

We have a new idea that was just sent to me, and we will be working on that ( Stay tuned for what and how it goes ) but this was not the way to handle it.

Bad mommy - no no.

The great pumpkins

We carved our family pumpkin, Madaya's pumpkin and Madaya painted her own pumpkin lastnight after we picked them and brought them home from the pumpkin patch.

Here is our work - We had alot of fun.

Madaya wanted a "Zoro" kitty pumpkin...

The lil one is roo's very own art :) and the big one is the family pumpkin we've dubbed him BOB

Daya hard at art

See her kitty? She put the whiskers on

Daddy tells roo why and how we prepare the pumpkin

Plenty more fall fun to be had I am sure...

Pumpkin Picking 2009

We took Madaya up to the Pumpkin Patch at Seimers farm in Greenbluff today ... The weather was chilly but clear and the entire population was there I think. It was so busy, and most of the pumpkins were mush as we have had really cold weather here for a couple of weeks - we were able to find our 3 pumpkins though and roo did have fun!

Look at this picture....

She can sure pout!!

( luckily this was as we were leaving, and she was in a good mood for the main part! )

Mike and I at the farm - 2009

Momma and roo love to pick pumpkins!

Laughing by the tree

Cheese

Its a roo --- ( in a very cute giraffe coat! )

Our harvest

Roo found hers! Its perfect - soon to be purrfect!

Testing the pumpkin

I spy...

Daddy pulling a roo

Ready to go pickin!

oh so cute ( no this is NOT her costume! Just her coat! )

After picking we went to Selina's and carved them - Wait till you see how cute they are!

( I will post the finished product tomorrow ) for now, its off to bed for these 3 very tired pumpkin pickers!

I heart the fall season!