If your a follower of this blog, and want to see my life continued ( YES IT DID CONTINUE ) please email me or message me for that address.

So much has changed, and so many things are on the Horizon - dont miss this.

HAPPY Re-BIRTHDAY to me!!!

I turned 1 today!
Today marks 1 year since I had my new birthday!
I cannot beleive how fast this journey has gone, and wow am I amazed at the difference.
I don't have time to post all details at this moment but the pics say enough!?
I am so beyond proud of myself.
Thank you to all of you who have loved me through this and continue to love me and support me each and every new day!

Gulp. I cannot beleive this was me!

225lbs

And this week ( although right now I am a lil too thin! )

125lbs!

Just when I can see the sun

I had a good week. Ive been working extra hours, I went to my Divorce Care class at church, made it to church for service, cleaned the house, took great care of myself ( even gained 2lbs! ) and met some new momma's going through this hell too....

Then today I get up only to hear from Roo that " She misses her OLD daddy. She wants a daddy who loves us and is here all the time. ". While looking at me through her tear filled eyes shes looking for an answer and what can I tell her?!

Same thing... I miss YOUR daddy too! I wish things could be different and that he was here too. But Daddy is not, will not and can not be here Daya. Its ok to be upset. To which she replies....
" I love you momma! "

And the day goes on.

But seriously.... why?! Why does this ache so badly esp when it effects her?!
Shes so lost, so confused and I cannot always comfort her cause I feel the same way.
I refuse to let her think some things, I don't want her to be like him when she grows up. I don't want her to think running from yourself of others is ok, and that this is how you own your responsibility!
I want better for her and have to stay focused on the fact that the only way I can do so, is to show so!

But that doesn't mean it doesnt kill me! Oy!

Over a month, but not over it.

It's funny when you tell someone be it a stranger, family member, a friend... anyone,
that you're going through all this they all have a reaction. Most of the time its " get over it... his loss, move on... ".

Wow - Let me tell you how much THAT DOES NOT HELP!

Then there's the others that say ... " Just live for you and daya, just see what happens " " you cant fix him " " your gonna be fine ".... Again.... Yeah not so much help. Sometimes its more confusing actually.

So its been a bit over a month- and although he completely turned our lives upside down and seems to have moved on effortlessly things here are coming together too.
So much so that instead of just dealing with the seperation for conveiniance ( medical he says )... I am strongly considering just telling the judge when we go to court in 3 months to just make it a Divorce. Its ultimately what Mike wants and it's clear he has no desire, will or thinking of his family and to beleive in our marriage so why should I?
I fought hard for him the lastime he did this, and while I don't have the energy to do so this time, part of me really wants to.
I want to live. I want to move forward I want to look back and say ... I did this right.

So I am just taking the small steps, trying to let go of the fact that I cannot controll this situation and the anger that comes along with him doing this.

I think I have done pretty well - and although I am not " Over it " I do think its all a good step in the healing process.

.... Over a month, things are changing.

The Direction I am headed

While its been a whirl wind of ( gulp ) almost a month things really are starting to settle back down.
I don't like it one bit and certainly am not happy that this is the choice the man I love has made but really I cannot change it.
Last time I fought with all I am to save him, save me, save us. This time I don't have it in me. I have to let him go - He wants this.
I love him enough to let him do this but love myself more that I realize this is not what God would want for me! No one should be alowed to suffer.

I have a plan!

Today I will be filing the seperation petitions. Mike has signed them all - and hopefully this will allow us both the protection we need while we each go along, finding our way. Until its turned to a divorce its how it will be.

My plan is this :

I will go back to school starting April 5th. I have busted my butt trying to get in, get settled and get funding all of which seems to be ok.
While, I cannot take the classes I need until summer ( the college I need is full ) I will jump in with some basics for Spring at the sister campus, and then transfer for Summer. I will keep my PT job as a hearing screener for now, and trust that the other things will fall into place.
If I can fight my way for a couple of years and fully get myself together then it will all pay off in the long run.
I cannot rely on him or anyone else and have to find my way .... the one I can rely on is God!
Im learning to be ok alone, and not feel lonely. Im learning slowly that is. And thats ok.
Im seeking direction, and trying to follow whats right so I don't sit here and " wait " for something that may never be.


I got this great scripture this morning and thought it suited well!

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul" (Psalm 143:8).


One foot infront of the other....

Owning my own part

They say this is a big step in the healing process and here it is.

I have to own my own part ( and ONLY mine ) in the Life and Death of our Marriage.

Life of the Marriage :

I was honest
..... Friend.
..... Held our home together.
..... Maintained relationships with extended family.
..... Faithful, Dedicated and Loving.
..... Was here for him ( all the time! ).
..... Great mother to our Child.



Death:

I was affraid to trust him 110%
I was not affectionate enough ( FOR HIM ).
I was affraid of the changes he always wanted to make.
I was affraid of the Hurt I was so sure he would bring.
I wanted to fix him. I wanted to put him first before anything ( including myself ).


So there you have it.
Not so bad afterall. Infact it looks like learning to trust anyone ( first I have to trust myself ) will be the most difficult to overcome. Esp after being hurt so badly by someone you love so much.
I cannot blame myself 100% as I like to do and have to realize I did do everything I could - it just wasnt enough ( for him ) for someone and for me though it may be everything. Sometimes you cannot see what's right in front of you!

why it hurts so much.

Why Divorce Hurts So Much
"It's pretty natural to expect hurt when a mate leaves, but I was not prepared for the level of hurt or the level of pain I felt,".

The pain of divorce is much deeper and more soul wrenching than most people can imagine, unless they have been through it themselves. Divorce can mean the end of your hopes and dreams, the end of your life as you have known it, a loss of control, and feelings of rejection, loneliness, and blame. There is anger, depression, helplessness, bitterness, resentment, feelings of worthlessness, and guilt. The list goes on and on."

I was afraid that once I opened that door, the intensity of what I was feeling would break me into little pieces," says Marie. "I'd be scattered all over the floor in little tiny scraps, and I'd never be able to pull myself back together."

You will not be able to "hurry up and get over it." That is not possible. Instead, start by making a commitment to take a small step forward every day. Marie says, "Gradually God has put the pieces back together, and the pieces that I don't have anymore, the severing of the part of me that was bonded with my husband, God has healed and replaced.
He's in the process of finishing that up."


So with that .....
"I cry to you, O LORD; I say, 'You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.' Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me" (Psalm 142:5-6).

Lord and Savior, the intensity of my emotions is unbearable. Hold me in Your strong arms. Comfort me with the comfort that only comes from You, and guide me in taking one step forward each day. Amen.

Getting real with myself sucks

So basically in a nutshell I have been trying to put on a strong front.
Pretty scarey really.
Ive been home spending time with myself - having many debates in my head and convo's with myself...

and what Ive come up with is this.
( and I only filled up 2 spiral notebooks with handwritten journals )

I need to be honest with myself.

I hate that Mike has done this again, and I am confused really as to why.
I want to fix it but I cant - and that hurts.
I felt rejected after he left and sought male words of attention - that was wrong. And I hate that so I cut off all outside contact. Meaning if its not with my husband I am not talking to ANY male friend ( ryan and olga excluded ). But you get the point.
I need to be selfish and work on me - so that I dont take the blame and think this is all me.
I need to realize that truely I do have a part in this - both ways. Life and Demise of our marriage. I am only responsible for MY actions, and issues.
I love him - but cant have him.
I hurt - but cant stop trying to heal.
I hate that my family has yet again been ripped apart - and theres not a darn thing I can do about it.

So.... Ive just been taking some me time.
I'm not in a good place emotionally, physically or mentally.
Emotionally I try to fool myself and say this doesnt kill me.
Mentally Im beyond tired.
Physically I havent slept in weeks, Im down to 118-120lbs and getting little to no nutrition. I feel sick all day every day. I am getting transfusions of water and nutrients every few days.
and all together I miss him like crazy, and Im getting to the mad point.
I totally dont get it theres the confusion.
I did everything he wanted... but truely beleive he is in general unhappy with himself - so of course he cant see how much I loved supported and was here for him!
I worry and pray for him daily.

I worry and pray for our daughter ( who is a mess - see other posts ) daily.

This past few days has really been so nice, and getting easier every day. I think I have come to terms with the fact that I am not so upset over all this - as I am upset with the thought that I failed. My marriage failed.

However, it doesnt make me a failure and I am making steps forward. Not back!

I am scared, no idea what will come but have a vision of what I want.

Ill just keep faith, and keep making these small steps.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.(Philippians 4:6–7)"

I thought I was a mess...

Ha!
Madaya is a mess.

She askes why daddy doesn't want to live here, love us and do family time. ALL THE TIME.
She gets mad at herself and goes to her room, litterally curls up in a ball and wont talk to me. Then when she comes out of it she just screams.
On sunday she wants to know why we have no family day - on Thursday she wants to know what were doing " when daddy gets home " .
At school shes telling them she has 2 houses, but loves her " big house and her OLD family ". THAT KILLS ME!
She is having a few accidents, forgetting to go potty sometimes, and shes been asking for blanket and even a paci ( which I haven't given in to ). Shes hording toys, and being rude.
Shes hitting, punching and kicking in a fit.
she says things like " Just leave me alone " " I dont want you" " You make me mad".
Shes getting frustrated quickly and over anything- even things she normally handles with ease.

It kills me to type this as you know a mothers love and protection! Most who read should know the pain this all brings how its so hard to look at her and assure her all will be ok.....

She wants to know why daddy did this, why he moved, why were not going to grandpa steves as planned, why we dont have family days, why I cry alot, why daddy smokes, why daddy is gone so much ....

AND I CANNOT GIVE HER ANSWERS. I dont know right now myself.

I couldn't ever imagine doing this to our family. I couldn't imagine and have never imagined not being together - and I don't know how to tell Daya that this is " ok ". Cause its not.

She deserves better than I can give at this time - yet daily I have to give all I can.
She deserves him to be here near her closer in her life - yet he can't.

She is my constant reminder of him. our love. our life. and it sucks.

My heart is breaking for 2. Her and I.

Just have to vent

Seriously could this world get anymore divorce friendly. It makes me sad.
Here I sit so alone, so frustrated and mad, and the only thing people say is... it will be ok.

Yeah? since when is divorce ok?
Since when can society think that distroying a family is ok?
since when is a " family " when one mom and one dad and X kids live in 2 homes?
F - that...
its all messd up.


I got the papers today and will begin to fill them out - but he is already not happy. Accusing me of hiding things, and keeping money from him etc.
He says hes " being nice " and doesnt owe me aything other than child support... well im about to beg to differ.
Ive been his help meet for this long - I deserve to be kept a while, esp while I get back on my feet.
I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS!

No turning back?

Today I will meet with my lawyer.
Im scared and still cannot beleive I am back in this seat. Seriously! 3 weeks ago I would have never imagined it.
We were excited to be doing so much, trips coming up, trying for a new baby, mike joing the gaurd and or a new job....
and here I am.

Part of me still wishes he would call, say he made a huge mistake wants to get help for himself, admit its him, and then we could move on....
why cant we have a seperation - he can be on his own, working on him while I hold this fort and family down so that together we can again work together. So he doesnt distroy everything WE have worked so hard for together?

Then part of me says --- I sooooo don't deserve this.
I want a partner for life. Not for 2 year incriments.
I want to meet someone who wants to be loved for them, and love me for me. That I am good enough for.

Then theres the part of me where I STILL CANNOT BREATH. I still pick the phone up 8 times a day and try to call him, only to remind myself its not ok.
I woke up at 6 this morning and instead of his morning call, got a bark from his dog. Ugh.
I miss him.
Madaya misses him.
THIS SUCKS.
Plain. Simple. Sucks.

Today .......

I meet with the lawyer.

Step one...

Today I woke up, and realized that this hole in my heart will not be filled anytime soon.
But... I took a step.
Right on out the door. Dropped daya off at daddy's to spend the day with him, then kept on walking right to get some things done.

A few more steps like this and perhaps I will be more normal than I thought :)

Ironic

Yesterday I decided I have to get out of the bed, try to wein off the adivan and make normal life for roo and I.
I love going to church and thats the first place I went...

What I didnt know is the sermon was on HARD MARRIAGES!!! oy. I made it through though and actually realized I am doing right. He is abandoning his vows which makes him wrong. without truely trying.

At anyways there is a new divorce care group to go to... Im going to pay the 40.00 and sign up for it. Its to meet with other divorcees and children who are going through this unwillingly and get support and tools to better manage.
I think it will be a good start.

Daya told her sunday school teacher that her daddy wont be at church anymore - he moved out. GRRRR.
It kills me.

So here is the plan - Im going to get the support from the church to help learn this new way.
my work is being awesome.
Mike is well on his way to his freedom

I meet with the advocate for me, and madaya this week to make sure were getting what we need, and changing things up a bit.
Im focusing on what I need to do to get healthy again and get on with this life.
Theres even thoughts in time, I may join a church singles group just for friendship and companion. Its scarey - but honestly I know ill be ok.

Ok the post some have been waiting for

Thank you for giving me the time to come to this in my own time, I do appreciate the notes, cards, flowers and support but honestly this isnt easy and I just had to come to it.
Through the advice of my therapist I beleive I am ready to lay this to rest, as much as my heart and mind disagree.

Mike decided to leave me on Feb 14th. I am pretty sure I will forever hate that day now as I had so much planned for the man I loved.
It really came as a huge shock. Im not going to lie - for a few weeks hes been complaining about not being " loved enough or shown enough " but I firmly beleive this is due to all he is going through.
I couldnt bear those burdens with him, so he felt alone. I on the other hand DID GO SEEK HELP - but he refused to beleive that.

The first couple of days of him doing this was hard. I begged I pleaded I thought....
and you know what I HAVE BEEN WORKING HARD THESE Past 2 years ( which have been great ) and we were headed in a great direction - but apparently not in his eyes. Hes confused, he is hurt and he is lost. So he choose to leave.
I will not own it this time. This is not me.
I love this man wholey and I want him happy. If being without us daily makes him happy then I promise I will do my best to see that happen.

The early week was shakey to the point phsyc considered admitting me for mental breakdown. I wasnt eating, drinking thriving not by choice just by stress i was down to 121lbs and my mom took me in to see dr where they gave 2 full bags of fluid, and adivan. we agreed at home sedation would be best. I was litterally pulling my hair out, and cutting my skin, cause I was out of it. This blind sighted me.
2 days later weight still down, me still sickly I went back and they did a scope down my pouch to make sure all was well and did another 2 bags of fluid, I was way out of it from the anesesia though and upon my return home, made the horrid mistake of hitting mike in the face. The man I love so much hurt me so bad I just wanted him to feel it too. He seems to feel nothing. Dont sit there and tell me I DIDNT LOVE YOU ENOUGH!!! I loved you more than you will ever know.
After that big mess its like the ball in my stomach let go seriously and I ate.... I have alot to regain about 15lbs now, but I will do it. The adivan helps, I plan on returning to work this wednesday. I have meetings with counselors on what to do since tech I am a " housewife " and trying to get daya into counseling.
Shes a mess!
She cries daily about how daddy left her, and she wants her daddy. This kills me!
All I can tell her is I WANT DADDY TOO DAYA, AND YOU WILL SEE HIM SOON! She is asking of our family time, weve been having so much of lately but I think he needs to be the one to break it to her - this is HIS decission.

I have alot ahead of me - to figure out to deal with. I am still seeing the physcologist and praying that mike takes this time to get the help he needs.
I dont know what or when things will happen but I do know this is way wrong. Very wrong.

My mom is moving in for now so we dont have to move again ( Mike is helping with rent and the car ) but leaves nothing for much more so she will help with that. It will be good too cause honestly I like having a partner, hate being alone at night - and mikes not here. She can never fill his shoes ever but the support will be nice while we transistion.

I didnt think madaya remembered the last time, but I think she does a little she keeps coming up with " its ok momma he will move back home " or.... lets go have a date... or daddy wants us to move.
it absolutely breaks my heart!

She told her cousins yesterday she is moody cause her daddy left us! HELLO SHES 3.... way to not do what you went through. God my heart shatters when I hear that.


ok so on other news, my next post is on my plans .

Please dont bash him. This is his life. I know its hard - Im living it. But I do love him and respect him.

We would have been married 10 years April 15th.

Not that kind of mom?

So tomorrow Madaya has her first Valentine's Day party at school!

Whoa!

Talk about funny.

You know she loves ben cooper .... lol.

So this year I had many intentions. I would make the cutest valentines, the cutest little cupcakes and show everyone just how special Daya's mom is....

Well, heres my admission :

I AM NOT THAT KIND OF MOM!

I really really love to craft, and lord knows I can create beyond all, but this is not about me, this is Daya. So with that I refuse to be one of those mom's who show up only to show off MY work as to show who is who. Its not who I want to be, and honestly don't want to be thought of as " the mom who does it all " . Daya did a great job. She picked out tinker bell cards, hand scribbled on them :) and we made chocolate cupcakes to which we frosted with store bought ( I KNOW CAN YOU BELEIVE US?! ) frosting, and then she put candy hearts on top!

You know what.... I kind of like the fact that I am " Not that kind of mom! ".

I cannot wait to see her party. I am hoping to make it if I don't have a full day at work....

1 year and still ..... just.... still

In Loving Memory of our missed Kaydough

Laid to rest Feb 11, 2009.

I'm Still Here
Please don't mourn for me, I'm still here, though you don't see. I'm right by your side each night and day, and within your heart I long to stay. My body is gone, but I'm always near. I'm everything you feel, see or hear. My spirit is free, but I'll never depart, as long as you keep me alive in your heart. I'll never wander out of your sight, I'm the brightest star on a summer night. I'll never be beyond your reach, I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach. I'm the colorful leaves, when fall comes around, and the pure white snow that blankets the ground. I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond, the clear cool water in a quiet pond. I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring, the first warm raindrop that April will bring. I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine, and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine. When you start thinking there's no one to love you, you can talk to me through the Lord above you. I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees, and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze. I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep. I'm the smile you see on a baby's face. Just look for me, I'm everyplace!

Today marks 1 year since we lost our " bubba ".
Ive been " Moody" all day and I guess this is alot to do with it.
Man do we miss that dog! More than a dog, Kaydough was my boy.
It's really crazy to think that even to this day I cannot call him in from outside, to offer him his favorite treat and have a little chat.
Its still so fresh, and so often that Madaya asks of him, and why he is with Jesus. It still hurts.

Our world has come full circle, we have another addition to our fur children, and while I really thought it would ease the pain I still so much feel, in some ways its harder.

Like now, Hanna looks SO FAT, and fluffy just like bubba did when he was a baby. Its like yesterday! Sometimes it makes me really think Kaydough played a big part in this!

Kaydough is only missed more and more.... but we all hope the pain eases soon!

Dirty Hanna = Bath time

Oy...

Soggy winter and our yard is making for a very rough and dirty puppy time in this house! Litterally!
Tonight Mike, Madaya and I finally gave Hanna a real bath.

She didn't know what to think but did ok. It was a good lesson for Madaya - she said she is good at doing doggy baths though!

All cleaned up!

New do!

Splish Splash Hanna in the bath

Water?! Ok - DRINK IT!

You're going to do what?! To this?!

Infertility sucks, this we know...

... what we don't know is why and how to fix it so far this time around.

I seen Dr. L on Monday this week. She thought my labs for my thyroid looked good ( and are far better than they were months ago at those toxic levels! ) but not good enough to get pg. She has upped my meds.
She also wants to be on board with the OB/GYN because as she said " We have to be able to win the marathon as soon as the gun is fired ". True!
So...
Her plan is to run more tests including to figure out why I have again, been in so much kidney pain and figure out where I am vitamin level and mineral wise to even get pg. She is ok with me continuing to take the fertility drugs, but says I need to be monitored much more closely. Fine.

So here we are no more real answers, waiting on more labs, and I am back at square one on the meds that brought us our first miracle.
Perhaps with hope, love and prayer ( or two;) we will indeed soon see 2 pink lines!

Family Fun : The boat show

Today Mike and I took Madaya to the Spokane Boat Show.
She loves boats and it's all she has been talking about since seeing the commercials about 2 weeks ago.

We had alot of fun walking around looking and dreaming of all the water loving fun.
We got to tour a few boats too. Would figure I didn't have a good camera with me!

We cannot wait to add a boat to our life, but will have to wait until the right time and money allows.

Its hard being a pup!

You asked - Here it is... the update.

Hanna has been home for 2 weeks now.

Fun times! Lol. That sums alot up.

No, actually it's been pretty good. She has been so good, and fits perfectly with our family.

Big sister Kia, has finally started playing with her, and showing her how to be a dog ( well our dog ), Hanna has decided puppy chow is not good enough for her and now demands to be fed what kia eats ( we make and buy some dog food ). Her favorite game is chasing Madaya around the house, and seems to have taken to resting on Kia's rawhide. She doesnt chew on it, rather using it as a pillow. Weirdo. I am so happy we spent the money on the nice dog bed ( can you see me rolling my eyes? ).

Oh hanna....

We love you!

She makes us laugh ... Babies for sale.

Overheard today :



Daddy : Hey Daya, I love you.

Daya : Hey Daddy I love you more...

Daya : Daddy?

Daddy : Yes Daya?

Daya: Can we have a baby now?

Daddy : No not yet hunny, soon though ok?!

Daya : Why Daddy? The babies not on sale right now?!



All of us : LOL!



She has been saying alot of funny things lately but she is just too funny sometimes. Her other big one lately is this...



Mommy : Hey Daya how did you sleep lastnight?

Daya : Not good - I had bad dreams!

Mommy : Why? What about? Tell me your dream!

Daya : I don't know? Kia took them and gave me them back. Bad ones.

Daya : See mom kia gives me bad dreams....



( boy if she only knew ;) ). Seriously she makes us laugh!

Everything has a Reason!

I am one of those people who beleive EVERYTHING and EVERYONE has a reason. Be it good or bad its just my personal opinion but more and more I think it comes to reveal itself as true!

This morning we headed out from our house after Ry picked us up, and headed down the back roads ( you would have to know where we are to see ) to go pick up Morgan and Selina.
The roads were slick and they didn't getting any less so on the way into town so we were using much caution.

One particular stretch of Government way is nothing but cliff and rocks on the East side of the road, and cemetaries on the West side... its a known dangerous area.
As we rounded the corner at Greenwood and Government way going way under the speed limit of 35mph we lost controll, went sideways and then were able to get back on track.
The one good thing about it was when we were sideways looking down over the cliff that most certainly could have been our resting point we saw a car into a tree with its lights still on and engine running. We would have never seen this car down the cliff if we would have not been going sideways to face that path ourselves. We immediatly pulled the truck over to the side of road and ran to help. Mike and Ryan took off down the cliff to see who and what the situation was and I stayed up top to call 911.
We were the first on scence and although neither of us had to do anything we are well trained in ( CPR, first aid etc ) Ryan did get her car shut off, safety situation figured out and tried to get the lady out of the car together Mike and Ryan kept the lady very calm, and assesed the situation so I could relay to 911. The ladies car was totalled but thank God it went into the tree, she could have easily came to rest at the bottom of the rocks another 200' from the 150' steep feet she had already came from! She informed Mike and Ryan that her husband was on his way, and that her dog was also in the car.
Right as the firetrucks and ambulance got there, Ryan carried her dog, rusty, a very shaken 90lb brown and tan cattle dog up the cliff to me, as Mike stayed with her to wait it out. As Ryan approached the top with Rusty the ladies husband came running he got enough out of me and went flying down the cliff himself to be by his wifes side while the firemen tried to stop him ( Side note : I will never forget the fear in his face as he saw the car intangled in the trees, and being told he shouldn't/couldn't get to her ) Nothing was stopping him.
Mike, Ryan and the Husband re-surfaced as the parimedics tried to get her out. The Husband hugged us all and thanked up for our responses and help. No thanks needed, were good people doing what good people do. What any person should do we said! It made us all feel good.

The crazy part was this. Yes, we slid too and yes we certainly could have been in that SAME situation. She was able to tell us she came from the exact same way and we seen the path and marks. But ... in the 30 minutes it took for us to find her, and get her help while we were waiting with her just as shaken 6 more cars did the same thing! At one point Ryan and Mike yelled at me to get behind the pole because a car was sliding and could have and would have hit me! Talk about scarey! We watched a city bus, a fire truck and 2 other smaller semi's hit things too. Once the police showed up he called into the city to report the stage 3 emergency ( icy road no controll ) and put flares out to slow and shut down traffic while those of us involved safely got taken care of.

Mike and Ryan has been unable to get her out of her car due to her leg being broken. She could not move it at all. Her husband later told us that when she called him, she must have passed out because he was unable to get details or anything and if it had not been for us, would not have known really what was going on or where!

She is so lucky she was stopped by that tree, that it was only a broken leg, only a totalled car and that we almost had the same fate. Honestly when we found her we anticipated much much worse as the car looked horrid, the position was not good and fluids were coming out of it. We honestly didn't know what we were in for!

The 3 of us were simply on our way to enjoy a day of skiing and doing nothing but having fun - but had no idea what God's plans were for the day.
It's true that Everything has its reason.

Thank you God for making us slide, for letting us find her and get her help! Thank you for making sure we were all safe and helping us all to re-realize that everything truely does have its Reason.

Ski(Board) Bunnies

Mike and I had a great chance to get away today and play in the snow ...

We went to 49° North today to teach our nephew Morgan how to snowboard ( which was a big birthday gift from his mom dad ) and to have some fun ourselves.

Our best friend Ryan agreed to do most of the teaching since 1.) he loves this lil kiddo and 2.) he is by far the more experianced in the situation right now since its been ( gulp.... 10 years! ) so long since Mike or I have been up there!

So we left early in hopes of getting there early ( see next blog post ) but didnt make it to the mountain until 9:30. Still plenty of time to play.

Morgan did great he took to snowboarding really well and quick with getting the basics down. Mike and I did great too!
I forgot how much I enjoy the freedom of being on the mountain and the joy the snow brings to me! Wow!

Mike and I will be headed up in 2 weeks with just Olga and Ryan this time to Schweitzer Mountain for a full day of fun in the snow :)

We also plan a couple of more trips for and with Morgan to continue is snowboarding education :)
Here are some pics from all our fun!

The ride to freedom - uphill

Ryan having morgan shadow him...

Mike's Ride down
In deep thought... please dont fall

Ready to play!

Hanna - Here to stay

... And were loving it :)

Our sweet Hanna got to come home to live forever with us on Thursday January 7th.
The first night was very rough she cried all night long... but she was doing good. No potty in the house or anything and was being loved ( and then some ) by roo and us!
The second day was fantastic, no whining, lots of play time, nap time and lots of visitors and new people.... Ok night but we moved her to the kitchen in her kennel cause we HAD TO SLEEP!
The 3rd night = WEVE GOT THIS DOWN already. She likes to eat a heated dinner, go out to go potty then off to bed and is sleeping in 5-6 hour stretches and cries only when she wanted out!
Today is our 3rd full day with her and she has been a dream she is so smart, so relaxed and getting along well with big sissy kia!
I think were on a roll....
Hanna is here to stay!

First night home...
See mom, take a picture!

Loving on Hanna - a new fav hobby!

Snowtubing

We took Madaya to Mt. Spokane today to go snowtubing at the tubing hill.
She loved every minute of it!

I hope to get some more pics of it up here soon but heres our try at a " family " pic. LOL.

I think our roo is an adventurist! Man does she love speed!

Hanna -- on the Grow!

I know.... I seriously need to quit being lazy and update this blog right?!
Some of you have seen, but since you SAME PEOPLE think I need to share more, here you go!

We got the chance to visit with Hanna on Tuesday and play with her for a while. She turned 1 month old today and will be coming home in a couple of weeks we hope!

Hanna is growing well! Since the last time we seen her, her eyes have opened ( they are bluish/brown ) and she is walking around. She is also starting some soft puppy food :). Her momma and siblings are all doing well and Heather and her kiddos are doing a great job of loving her and getting her ready for us to love forever.

We are all so excited to welcome her home soon!

All Fulled up!

Daya loves her Hanna!

Hanna loves to snuggle!!

Momma and Hanna both ready for a nap!

Puppy love!

2010 : Forward Direction

It's a new day, a new decade and a new year... alot for one post!

We will call 2010 a forward direction!

Last night we did not get to " ring in " the new year how we would have hoped, I spent it drooling on my pillow after 2 doses of cough syrup, while roo was snug in her bed doing about the same thing, and Daddy was at uncle Ryan's house celebrating with some of our loved ones for us. Mommy and Roo were sick.... sucks.

This morning though both of us were awakened with a kiss from Daddy and a good breakfast before Daddy and I headed off to work... yeah, you heard it right We both had to work this " Holiday " too.

After work ( which ended up being a 12 hour day for me! ) I went to my aunt's house to meet my family and celebrate for a bit. There roo and I had a very nice visit and time. I do love my family and while sometimes I wish they were different, or things were different honestly for the most part we are really lucky. I do mean that! Some people don't have anything, or anyone and can only " think " they do. We don't have to think, in all honesty we know!

Daya and I headed home, and called Daddy to wish him a happy 2010 again, and just as fast as the new day, new decade and new year came in - it went out!

Now, for me I am not big on " New Years resolutions " Almost everyone makes them and those same people break them. I don't like to let myself down so why add the stress?

Do we have goals in mind? Of course!

Do we have ideals? Heck yes!

Will they happen all in 2010? We will have to find out!

In 2010 we are hoping to see our selves continue with the great progess we have made. Continuing to live simply, within means, and focused on family would be a great start!

We hope to add to our family this year and by the end of 2010 be looking at the possibility of buying another home ( this most likely wont happen for a couple of more years, but its a start ). We are still working hard to make sure we continue to live by cash only and no debt. Trying to right our wrongs, and mend our fences.

Live for today. Dream of Tomorrow.

We hope to have much more time as a family doing things this coming summer, and figuring out exactly where and what we want to be doing together.

We are working on living healther each and every day. Both of us, maintaining our weight and whole health and wellbeing.

Madaya will start " real " preschool this year! She will turn 4! ( Hard to beleive ).

Mike and I will have been married 10 years in April!

A new decade, a new day .... Let's see where we go!