Thanksgiving

Well I promised I would update about Thanksgiving when I had a minute, and as it turns out its been such a slow, uneventful and wonderful day I have time.

Our morning started out early, Daddy got home from work and we ran to the store to get the last minute things we need. Who thought I could actually be thankful for wallyhell. Gesh?
We then got home, at breakfast and Mike and Madaya went to bed. ( Mikes working nights - and had been up since 4pm the previous day ). I finished making the dishes I said I would bring, and cleaning up the house - then around 11:30 woke up Mike and Daya to get them ready to go.
We headed out to Aunt Dee's arriving about 12:45.

Now let me insert that I have been staying sooooo positive and keeping my heart mind and spirit open in not expecting more than I normally get from this family. Its been a long long time since weve had a really good thanksgiving, christmas or any other holiday for that matter. So naturally I had worries, warranted at that.
However, my outlook has paid off. I will take what I get. If I am not a part of things then ok, I cant be blamed. Be responsible for your own actions etc. General rules, that sometimes take a long time to learn?! ...

Skipping back - we get there, and I had kissed and hugged mike before hand and said I knew this would be a great day!

I was right! It was completely wondeful. So very nice to not hear anything negative ( other than a few choice words by some ) and to not play the he/she said game etc. It was a nice time together, cooking, eating, playing games.

Mike fried the turkeys. They were wonderful - we had all the traditional sides, then some of us played games, some watched movies, some read the ads for tomarrows crazy shopping sprees and then some just relaxed.
It was just that, relaxed.

Madaya got tired as usual at her bed time ( 8 ) and we headed home. We were home, unpacked, and cleaned up by 8:15 and time for family bed time routine, and just un winding.

If theres anything I have learned in this past years its to never take anything for granate. Yes they are my family, and though they drive me nuts about 90% of the time. I really cannot do without them. They are not perfect, never were or will be but they are my family. This year was so refreshing! I am so very thankful each day for all of them. Each so special in their own ways!


Thankfuls :

Theres way to much to list of course but in short -
- Each other
- Love / RESPECT
- TRUST
- Madayas dr ( for getting us through some tough times health wise )
- My dr's for fighting for what they know to be right! ( looking forward to surgery )
- family and friends
- forgiveness - I AM THANKFUL THAT WE CAN FORGIVE!!!
- a great job for Mike that provides beyond what we expected in many ways.
- renewed hearts
- my " soul cysters " day in and out they support me

Theres still a blessing im waiting for, fingers crossed though in time it will coninue to work out. I cant wait much longer!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Thankfully, Blessed!

I have so much to be thankful for each and every day. I know this. But this year I have a renewed spirit in my heart and soul. I am so blessed this year, and am so very thankful for that!

Most of you followers, and friends know all that happened this year and just how much we were tried in so many ways.

Im happy to say that all of our unfortunates have turned around, and been huge blessings.

Today marks 6 months that Mike and I have been back together. And while we fight everyday to keep working we are happier then ever and I think I speak for both of us when I say we are so much better now than before. Its amazing - and alot in itself to be thankful for.

I dont think anyone should be thankful just one day a year. Stop - think - theres so much day in and day out to be thankful for that we just cant take it all in.

Were lucky, were blessed.

.... Were thankful

WLS update

So I posted that my surgery may not happen as soon as I would like due to the $$.
We have awesome insurance that covers it, but the clinic I picked charges a non billable 2000 fee! Plus my copays and coinsurance!
Well it would have been the possibility of paying up to 3400 total and its just more than we wanted to swallow right now. So I gave that up until tax time...

I got a call from Rockwood today though that said I had been approved again ( was approved a year ago for a trial thingy ) for the WLS surgery program, assuming I still meet my medical criteria ( im sure I do ) and that I could come Dec 11th for the orientation. Its not a trial so there would be costs, so I inquired. She said with my insurance theres nothing but a 270.00 fee for 3 visits to the nutritionist, and my coinsurance ( which is max 500.00 ) . So! I said Ill take it and it looks like I have to start at stage 1 again, but possibily may still get to have it mid January - February. Depending on insurance.
Im extatic.

I cannot wait. This journey has been amazing. Some people are so wonderful and others I choose not to tell. Ass holes who say stupid stuff!

Ill keep you posted, but wont know more till at least Dec. 11th.

Our Tiny Tot

Madaya is finally going to get some justice. Well, maybe thats a bit too mello dramatic - but some answers at least?!

She hasnt gained weight, instead has lost more, and isnt growing in height as she should. Now that shes 2 ( still in shock ) the pedi says we can persue the allergy tests. We know shes allergic to something - all signs are there but until now havent tested. It will take a while to get her into the specialist - theres only one for ped's here in town. But soon... cant wait!

Madaya seen her dr. Monday and she is now 19lbs and 30". below the 5% for her age. We were hoping to keep the growing curve but its taken a dive again.

She sees her again Christmas eve, and will go over more tests and ideas.

Slow growing ... Slow going.

PRAISE GOD!!!

My kid finally sleeps in her bed.
Let me explain. Shes always slept in her crib, in her room.
However wouldnt let us take the side off and convert to a toddler day bed. I finally took it off and have been fighting tooth and nail to get her to sleep in it each night now for about 2 weeks. Now I almost dont want to spoil it and as I tell you that tonight it only took 10 minutes for her to go to sleep!! woot!!
It started out 2 weeks ago with her constantly getting up, asking for milk, wanting hugs, counting dolls - ANYTHING to stay awake. Moved to SCREAMING at the top of her lungs, and now - simmering and soothing herself to sleep with only a " good night madaya we will see you in the morning! "

YEAH!!!

Hair Did!

The pics pretty much sum this up.
But to recap :
We were done with dinner, sitting at the table talking and Madaya decided she needed a new do... So, she took her comb, and her water and went at it. Heres the result.
You can see a cute video of this and her making " tea " HERE

Dx

Pnuemonia!

Lordy as if I needed that huh?
See so I was right - It wasnt just Asthma!

Wanna hear the most disgusting thing ever?

Of course you do... thats why your reading this - SICKO!

So yesterday morning I headed down the hallway from the master bedroom to the dining room, I spotted a big ol roll of black dog fur ( kaydough is shedding horridly ) and started to gross out. Ewww.... well meanwhile, litterally a micro second, Kia comes running down the hall, scoops up that hair in her mouth and chomps on it... as I shout OMG, HOW GROSS drop it etc.... well she listens, were about frontroom entry area now, and here comes roo...

SHE PICKS IT UP AND CHOMPS ON IT!!

I was mortified. Are freaking serious I shouted, Get that out of your mouth that doggy hair blah blah blah...

UGH.

I couldnt beleive my own 2 eyes. What a sick thing huh!?

I really really REALLY dont know whats harder - raising a 2 yo, or 2 dogs.
Ugg.

Totally Disgusted!

The Weigh Things go...

Get it? Weigh!

So looks like another hitch in the surgery has been found.
I called today - ( to the clinic I was hoping to have my surgery through ) and she said out of pocket $$ may be up to 3200.00 depending on actual surgery itself. Well thats after insurance, and while im super grateful to have that coverage we were planning on paying around 1500 ( our out of pocket max ) they have fees however, that are not billable to insurance. So this is saddening.

.... A Lighter side :

Rockwood/Sacred Heart here in Spokane also have a program and my insurance will cover them. Their fees are a lil less so it may be an option too.
- Going to be looking into that.


So for now...

Surgery cannot happen until I get all the funds. However, I am still sched for my 101 with the surgeon this coming week. I will go to it and stay on the trail while we push forward. The other hitch is I have pnuemonia!!! and since its actually pnuemonia, I have to be healthy for 4 weeks prior to surgery ( i guess its hard on the respritory system while dealing with the anestesia ( spelling? ) ).

Where theres a will, theres a WEIGH!!!

On a side note the scale is holding at 211lbs.

You know ...

You know when sometimes you stop and think, what happend to so and so?
Or where did the time go?
You know when you hold your breath, longing, hoping, dreaming for something?
You know when you are scared and theres a certain thing to make you calm?
You know when your tired, and when you feel those rocks in your eyes, how they make you feel theres only one place you would rather be?
You know that feeling you get when you KNOW something is wrong, but no one will say?
You know how you feel when it all goes " away"?
You know how sometimes at night, when its dark and you hear a sound your heart pounds so fast and you wanna jump out of your skin?
You know how a call from your best friend can make all things ok?
You know how when you see someone your so excited to see - how you get that teary eye feeling?
You know what its like to cry your self to sleep?
You know what its like to have a fun time even when your doing ' nothing '?

You know when your happy, when you stop caring about what others think, feel and say about you. You KNOW your true when you stop talking, thinking and feeling bad about yourself.
Most of all YOU KNOW who you are and who you will be.

I know YOU!
I know me.

I know its ok.

You know?

Missing You

You know who you are
You know where you are
You know how to go on
and you know where I am ....

Here as always - I miss you.

Posted In: Random Thoughts and Feelings - Aprils Journal November 14th 2008

Doctor Doctor whats the news

Ugh we will see if I even have energy to post this.

For the past couple of weeks Ive been fighting what I had beleived to be a cold/sinus/allergy junk, but after dealing with several days of it I finally gave in and called the dr. I was due to see her anyways for some other stuff.

Upon barely waking myself to meet my 8:30 time slot, I got up, got dressed ( barely ) and headed out. By the time I was standing infront of the receptionist I was coughing, wheezing and ready to keil over.
When Dr saw me she kinda looked puzzled and said " your here because your sick? or hear because your asthma is out of control? " Huh? I dont have asthma!
to which she graciously pointed out all my symptoms and read off my dx : ASTHMATIC SYMPTOMS EXADURBATED BY ALLERGIES.

I didnt know thats what ive been dealing with but not totally shocked. So with 2 new inhailers, and 3 new meds ( a pill, a spray and another spray ) I am armed to fight this battle and see if things improve. She said if this is in deed what it is I should easily see huge improvements by monday!! Oh god, thats sound to my ears.

Upon returning home I googled the signs/symptoms of Asthma and was shocked to find the exact sym's I listed to the Dr this morning :

• Frequent cough esp at night
• Losing your breath easily or shortness of breath
• Feeling very tired, weak or "drained " even during simple tasks
• Decreases or change in lung function
• Signs of cold, allergies ( cough, runny nose, sore throat, and headache )
• Feeling tired, depressed, moody
• Swelling
• Trouble sleeping

So there I have it I could have written the symptoms/diagnosis myself had I known. Lets see what happens now!

Barely Breathing -

Oh my Ry dont scare us like that!

Sunday afternoon was a normal one in our book, Mike and I had returned from gathering some groceries, and I was ready to settle in with roo for a nap. Mike had made plans to go hunting with Ryan ( most will know our great friend, old roomate ) and they gathered their gear and left.

You know when a person you loves leaves, how you kinda photograph that moment in your mind, just in case?! Well .... I am glad I love these guys, and did just that as they headed out the door. After, my normal " be careful guys, report when your back to the truck etc " speil.

Mike and I have always had a rule - esp pertaining to hunting safety [call when your safe at base, at dusk - no night hunting ]. So, when mike hadnt called at dusk, and I felt sick to my stomach I called him : To hear what I didnt ever want to!

" Ry is still out there hunny, I have to call you back " - Mike says. As I hear my heart beating louder and louder and my mind rushing to the worst possible scenario, I wait.

about 30 minutes later mike calls and tells me his battery is dying so he cant tell me all, but Ry didnt make it back to the truck, hes contacted him via his cell phone, but hes lost and dont know quite where.

Time passes, I worry, Mike and Ry talk ...

Ry calls me - tells me he called a friend to come up with ATV's ( THIS IS NOW 7:30pm ) Approx about 3-4 hours after being " lost ". I made Ryan promise me that I could call search and rescue if he hadnt been found in 2 hours. He reluctantly agreed. With his cell dying fast too, him cold wet and not seeing/hearing mike things werent very good.

I got ahold of him about 9:30 and told him I was calling him in lost to 911. I did just that.

Remember that pic I took in my mind of the guys. GOOD THING , cause 911 asked all sorts of questions, and then the sherriffs deputies were off to search.

About 11 I got the call from the deputy saying someone ( mike and kyle ) had found him and they called 911 to let them know he was found. The deputy said he would call me back when he met with them ( he was waiting at that point at our truck ). But never did...

Mike comes walking in the door at 2:15 am and with tears I ask for details, and how Ry was.

My god. A great outcome to a scarey situation that I care never to be in again. I cant tell you how worried I was!
I was scared for ryan, and for mike, who went back out to find him. Fearing the worst for all of them at that point.
I am so releived all is well - and you know those to " hunters" their ready to do it again - UGH!

I guess now Ry is a memeber of the wherdafugowie tribe ( Chant that to yourself a few times ;) ).

Until next time...

Dayas first sleep over

Just to note :

Daya had her first sleep over. Mommy and Daddy were out all night for Epicurean so she stayed
at grammi's house!
She did good and so did we :)

A pure delight..

... and Epicurean at that!

For those of you who dont know :
ep·i·cu·re·an
Pronunciation Key

adj.
1. Devoted to the pursuit of sensual pleasure, especially to the enjoyment of good food and comfort.
2. Suited to the tastes of an epicure: an epicurean repast.
Epicurean Of or relating to Epicurus or Epicur

at anyrate, the Inland Northwest Blood Center does the Epicurean Delight fundraiser every year for the center.

The tickets are sold at 100.00 per person and include entrance to fine dining, wine tasting, bar, band and dancing for a wonderful evening of exactly what it states " Epicurean Delight " My sister in law is the Volunteer Coordinator for the INBC and has given us great oppurtunities to help the center and its cause through valunteering.

so last night ( Nov. 7th, 2008 ) I got to be one of the photographers for the event, mike a greeter, and ryan and olga wine pourers which in turn allowed us all to not pay, but enjoy the night and help in the cause.

It was a black tie event so was very fun to gussy up for and just take in the sights, sounds and the aroma of the delictable dishes that Spokane's finest had to prepare for us.

You can see the photos on my photo blog http://www.evanseyesdesigns.blogspot.com/

Here we are ready to go ( excuse the bloated swollen face - me )

A great chance!

I am so nervous!
Tomarrow ( Friday November 7th ) I get the chance to be one of the photographers for a local non profit and their annual fundraiser. I will be helping to capture some of the people, things, and food at Epicurean Delight 2008!
This is huge, since Ive been working so hard to get my business up and going.
By the way...
the new blog is up ( still working on loading images though )
Check it out!

www.evanseyesdesigns.blogspot.com

" The Easy Way out? "

I was feeling down and I thought I would get some of this out on the blog. After all it is about me.

Many of you readers are close friends and family and you probably know by now of my upcoming Lap Band Surgery.

Ive had mixed reviews about this event to take place in my life, and some of them have not been good. For a while Ive been letting it get to me, but after my meeting this week with the center that will be doing it, Ive decided if I am indeed going to be successful with this I need to be honest with myself and others, and let them not detour me!

The thing thats been weighing on my mind the most is many people ( general public too ) say " dont you think weightloss surgery is the easy way out? cant you diet? whats wrong with the way you are?!

So after talking to the counselor I think ive come to this : Ill list my reasons for myself to want this, and if other dont agree then fine but maybe they will come to see that there is NOTHING easy about what I am going through. The road has been long, and is soon to get a little more bumpy as we approach this last stretch.

I want the surgery because :

- I am worth it

- I am suffering from side effects of obesity that can be reversed

- I need a tool to help me accomplish my goals

- I want to be healthy

- I have tried medical help, diets, meds and interventions

- I am not happy being " obese "

- I know I am better than these diseases!

Some say I am not THAT over weight and they are right. I am not, not when compared to national statistics that say most obese people are carrying 115lbs +. I am currently 82 lbs from my ideal weight according to dr's and BMI. I have a BMI of nearly 38! and although not enough to qualify me for surgery, with the medical conditions is most certainly is.

with this surgery i have the chance to :

- Not be diabetic

- Not need extensive thyroid meds

- Not need to rely on hormones to do the job my body should be doing as a woman

- Not need to shave excessively ( most know of my hirsuitisum )

- Not be ashamed about the patches of dark skin under my arms, neck etc ( common in obesity )

- Not need to worry and wonder about my health, and why me syndrome!

- Have the chance at more children, happily and healthy.

- Not need to cry because I hurt so badly emotionally for all I have

- Not be unhealthy

- Not try to tell myself I am happy with the way/ Weigh I am!

I am excited to meet with Dr. Pennings again and talk more of whats to come. But so far theres been alot of changes with in myself. I have had to do alot of soul searching, and figure out if I really wanted and could do this. Its not a diet, its not a answer, its a tool. I have to make the most out of it and take control of me!

I can do this!

I have some very supportive family and friends, and theres a support system in place with the center. I think that if I can utilize this as I need to then I only have success to look forward to!

I am hoping to have a surgery date sometime this month.

I still have to finish the physicological panel, and then liquid diet.... so let the hard way out begin huh. Cheers to health!

I guess I should add that it is expected that by 12 months post surgery I should be at or very near the ideal weight of 135, if all is successful, or shall I say. WHEN I AM SUCCESSFUL!

Here's some good info on it :

HOW THE LAP BAND WORKS?
The gastric band is used in conjunction with laparoscopic techniques (using small incisions and long-shafted instruments rather than a large incision), to implant an inflatable silicone band into the patient's abdomen. Like a wristwatch, the band is fastened around the upper stomach to create a new, tiny stomach pouch that limits and controls the amount of food you eat. It also creates a small outlet that slows the emptying process into the stomach and the intestines. As a result, patients experience an earlier sensation of fullness and are satisfied with smaller amounts of food. In turn, this results in weight loss.
Compared to other surgical procedures for obesity this is considered the least traumatic of all weight loss surgeries, since there is no cutting, stapling or stomach rerouting involved.
The laparoscopic approach offers the advantages of reduced post-operative pain, shortened hospital stay and quicker recovery. If for any reason the band needs to be removed, it can be done, and the stomach generally returns to its original form.
With this combination, operative risk is reduced as well as mortality and patient discomfort. Total reversibility and adjustability of the band are clearly positive points.
It is an adjustable treatment. The diameter of the band is adjustable to meet your individual needs, which can change as you lose weight. For example, pregnant patients can expand their band to accommodate a growing fetus and give a good nutrition, while patients who aren't experiencing significant weight loss can have their bands tightened.
To modify the size of the lap band, its inner surface can be inflated or deflated with saline solution or contrast solution. The band is connected by tubing to a reservoir, which is placed well under the skin during surgery. After the operation, the surgeon can control the amount of saline in the band by entering the reservoir with a fine needle through the skin.

Breakfast of Champions

I think we have found our Breakfast of Champions for Madaya --- Or --- Maybe shes just a champion for finally eating it all!?
Madaya is loving absolutely LOVING yogurt with a side of toast and milk.
Daddy bought her some dora toddler sized yoplait's and shes chowing down those like no tomarrow. Which of course is a-ok with us as yogurt is soooo good for her!
Shes even mastered holding the yogurt cup herself while she scoops.
She wants to eat the minute she wakes up usually and you best not mess with a hungry roo.....

POTTY BREAK(through)

Today we had a potty break-through!

We came home from grocery shopping, and as usual I headed to our bathroom ( in our bedroom ) and proceeded to do my thing, I am sitting there, and roo says to me " I be right back - k momma? " to which I reply " oh ok hunny " as she plays this game often...

I am sitting there, and look up only to see her waddling in with her pink potty chair in hand. She puts it on the floor next to my toilet and sheds the diaper and pants, sits and.....




GOES PEE PEE!!!


She pointed to her pee pee and said Momma see me pee pee!! And she knew EXACTLY what she was doing.

Hopefully this is the break weve needed.
We will leave the potty in our bathroom and see how shes does.

Stay tuned!

FREAKING WALMART!

Ok so most of you know that I am NOT a fan of walmart to begin with...
so let me tell you a prime example of why!
The other day we were in ( the valley at that point ) walmart and I found an item i wanted and was in need of for the computer for 29.88 - a linksys wireless adapter ( sold at staples for 70+) ... however, I didnt get it because it was before payday.
I went to the airway heights walmart today, 2 days later, to get the same thing... only to find it $25.00!!! MORE!!!! than the valley.. " Will you price match the valley store? " said me.
" No we dont match other walmarts " said the fucking manager!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?
So now.. Not only do they underpay, overwork and cut benefits for their employees now they cut themselves?! and price as they wish.. lordy Can you see me rolling my eyes.

Giants my freaking butt! Back to Fred Meyers I go.