The sacrifices she makes...

... are hard to put in ones mind.

I have a friend, a long time friend of whom I am so glad to be able to call that. I love her with all my heart, and her family as if they were my own. Ive loved her kids all from day 1 of their lives, and wont ever stop watching, learning and loving them. They have been through ups, and downs, ins and outs and through more than most can imagine.

This past year for her has been full and I do mean FULL of sacrifices for her. Shes doing it because she loves her husband, and her kids.
Shes doing it because she wants better for them in alot of ways.... But what I fear is that she will if not already loose herself.
Shes so wonderful, and caring, and really deserves to be fully happy. If this is her happiness then great - thats all I want for her. If not, I hope she finds it soon.
There has to be a happy medium somewhere.

We sure miss her, and although she got the chance to come home, and hopefully will come " home " again, it just doesnt fill the place of knowing shes not around the corner or only a few minutes away anymore.
Instead, a phone call means so much - and we both get so busy that its hard to remember to pick it up.
A text can say alot though --- I know she reads this and until recently I didnt know just how much she wanted, more like needed to keep up.
I know she misses us, loves and and needs us to but for now, they are sacrifices.

lots of people who love her have sacrificed something too! A daughter, A aunt, A friend, A sister even an employee. Hows that for sacrifice!
Shes had to make alot too!

It takes a certain kind of strong person to do such things, and stay grounded. Im proud of you and I know that someday you will be rewarded. They are one lucky bunch to have you - never forget that. NEVER FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF YOU WHILE YOUR TAKING CARE OF THEM!

(( hugs ))

the reality of it all

re-al-i-ty 
–noun, plural -ties for 3, 5–7.
1. the state or quality of being real.
2.resemblance to what is real.
3. a real thing or fact.
4. real things, facts, or events taken as a whole; state of affairs: the reality of the business world; vacationing to escape reality.
5. Philosophy .
a.
something that exists independently of ideas concerning it.
b.
something that exists independently of all other things and from which all other things derive.
6. something that is real.
7. something that constitutes a real or actual thing, as distinguished from something that is merely apparent. —Idiom
8. in reality, in fact or truth; actually: brave in appearance, but in reality a coward.

I can't sleep and it seems to be yet again another night with alot on my mind. What better way for me to finally close the day, and my eyes and rest, than to come spill my mind. Sometimes in private but mostly for all to see, if they care ... on MY BLOG.

I love this blog, I really have come to enjoy and love blogging more and more!

Anyways Its been a long couple of days. Alot to take in, to think about and to just reflect on I guess.

We found out monday that for sure we got our new home ( rental of course ) but without the additional deposit we just *knew* for sure we would need since our credit and stuff sucks now... but we dont need it. It was a huge blessing, and were so excited.

I am not scared about our new home, rather what comes along with leaving this one, and moving to it.

When I moved into this apt, it was without my husband. I was a mess, looking for a fresh start and a new begining. Madaya and I needed a safe, conveiniant and reliable place to grow and learn a whole new way. When Mike and I got back together, we figured we would keep this as long as we could while we got back on our feet, and figured our credit/financial self's out....

Skip forward, this home isnt suiting us. Were not exactly " at home " here, and for many reasons I think I know why.

For those same reasons, I beleive we together, are making a great, healthy choice to be moving when and where we are moving to!

thats reality!

My other reality is this: Some things scare people. Period.

Reality is I am going to have my WLS surgery. It will be the RNY Bypass, and I will be doing this as soon as insurance gives me my final go ahead, and the labs are done. I chose to share this info with those I love, because I thought I would need the support. Many people told me that they ( they who have had surgery ) wouldnt choose to tell everyone if they had to do it all over again, and I think I am begining to see why.

The reactions range widely. I get some great raves, and many oh boys!

I guess this really hit me the other night, when we were at dinner. My aunt found out I was doing bypass vs. the band and wasnt happy. I could see it in her eyes, she voiced it well, and I know shes scared.

She stated " I would rather be fat than have the surgery" and " I know so many who have had it and died " . Whoa - hold the train.... She must know every failure than because really, statistics show a slim to none, chance of failure, and or death?! on top of that... heres my reality I AM NOT THAT FAT - therefor its not an issue of living "fat" vs. having surgery.

Reality check : Am I overweight - YES. Moribly obese? Yes. National standards say 40 BMI ( see my BMI blog ) is morbidly obese although I am at a mere 40.1 BMI. That means tops I am 100lbs over weight.... however with my medical conditions I more than qualify since you have to have a BMI of 35 or more if you have ANY of the co-morbities ( deseases that can lead to death ) : diabeties - CHECK, Endocrinolgy issues : CHECK, High blood pressure : CHECK, High Cloresterol despite diet : CHECK, sleep apnea : CHECK, and or Asthma : CHECK. So... looks like reality is by all means this surgery could help me! Im not " just fat " .

Reality is that I could very well die just as easy from any one or combo of my conditions, and that those risks are higher than that of the surgery!

Im having alot of anxiety of the surgery - they say this is normal, and have given many ideas on how to deal with it. You know whats odd to me, is that most of my anxiety is about how people will respond to the drastic changes Im undertaking. Ive come to another reality - they will either be there or not, and chances are those that arent, are just plain uncomfy with themselves. If they love me and want to see me healthy they will love me and support me in this long but rewarding journey.

Reality is that things will change. I will change in looks, and feelings, and the way I eat, and this can and will make others feel weird.

Reality is that I may look sick a while- because they are used to seeing me as ME.
Reality is that once my body adjusts to the major chances I can absolutely live happily and healthily ever after :)

Thats a pretty good reality huh?

Other things in reality have been weighing on me too - but those are to major things. 2 major issues staring me right infront of my eyes. I am so excited to take on these next 2 chapters, and see what comes next. Im feeling stronger, happier and more renewed than ever, and feel the winds are blowing in the right direction!

Reality.... May as well embrace it.

Fine feathered friends

FREEZING feathered friends!
I was at Manito Park taking photos today for a family, and I stopped on my way out to peek at the quakers as roo likes to call them.

I snapped a few shots of them.
They were so funny quaking along swimming in the lil pond of water left of the big pond, because so much of it is frozen.
They were jumping off the edge, and biting at the ice edge

( maybe in hopes of making a bigger pond? ) .
There was my favorite one today too. Shes a creamish color, you can spot her far away. The only one in the park like her!
Then there was one with a broken feather sticking out.
I thought they are so halarious. They each have little attitudes.

My feathered friends are freezing!

2 am and I must be lonely..

but i dont think thats the case.

Im just too tired to sleep.

Funny too cause I feel like a huge weight has been lifted, knowing that we will move in March to a place we can stay and save for our perminate home, and that its what we need it to be :
- Out of the city
- Cheap
- Nice and QUIET
- Acive - theres gonna be a pool, fitness center, a park etc!
and...
were not out any money. Infact its about what we pay now, only almost 2x the size :)
We can make it our home. theres only so far apartment walls can take you. Roo wants a yard - she will love it :)

so why cant I sleep?

Theres not much else on my mind.
Im excited for my surgery - and my new home - and kinda worried about how to pull both off so close together, but I know that part will be ok. Mike promised so :)
So what what is it?
Hungry ? Nope.
Thirsty ? Nope.
Need to Pee ? Nope.
Thats all that usually keeps me up?!

grrr. Im frustrating myself.

Ok ive blogged my thoughts - as random as they may be
I feel better...

Hmmmmm

We know where were moving to!

I cannot tell you how happy I am and at peace to know where we will be going when our lease is up here.

We know we cant stay here - for various reasons.

but now we know where we will try to make our home forever, until we buy another.

Mike wanted out of town. I wanted my own place none the less.

We found a place called Windsor Crossing, they are building ( actually remodeling ) old military houses, out near the base.

Its wonderful and is the answer we needed.

Cheap to get in to. Its our OWN home, its would be a 3bd/2 bath at just under 1700sf all on one level.

We can paint it, deco it live in it as we want.

We seen it tonight - its HUGE!!!

rent is what we pay here - plus we pay water, sewer, garbage and electricity together of 120.00 to the office :)

its gonna be great....

Coming this spring there will be a pool, club house and fitness center!! WOOT WOOT

all 10 minutes out of town.

I attached our floor plan. Our home will be ready mid feb, but we will move late march when our lease is up! ( and after weve painted ). We hope to paint the inside a nice green color, and in our room a chocolaty brown or so!!

We have our new addy and everything :)

Roller Derby Baby?

Look at our roller skating diva :)
Madaya went skating with her cousins for their school skate night - and had a blast.
Pics sum it up!
There werent skates small enough so had to make do with big ones :)
much too fun!

FILLIN' UP THE TANK :)
locking up the goods!

SHE DID IT ALL ON HER OWN!

CHEEEEESE!

SO CUTE

Best if she wants to be!

I recently had posted a thought I had been having.

.... And I think I got a good answer!
She is the Best! Shes the best for herself right now, Shes the best for many at this time. And shes doing the best that she knows how.
I think she scares her self, or worries alot about maybe things not being how they should, awkward or maybe just not " right " . But hopefully she seen things are fine. Should be. and will be?
I took a big plunge. I asked to make plans. Good plans. but with no set boundries. Take it as it comes type of things right?
.... RIGHT!
It was perfect we all had a wonderful day, and I dont mean just Mike and I... I really hope all of us. We shopped, had dinner, then went out for some fun. It was just like old times. Good times. the times we missed and are missing!
Oh how we missed.
" It didnt feel weird at all " she said at one point lastnight... Why would it? Were us.. your you. Its never been an issue!
" I missed you " she said... we missed you too.
" We need to do this again " she said... OF COURSE WE DO DAMN IT!

So hopefully this is a great show of what it should be, and maybe what needs to happen. A leap of faith of both parties for sure. But its not like its never happend before :).
Im proud. Im happy. Im hopeful. Im taking one thing at a time.
Theres soooo much more I want to explore, and I've missed out on. Wonder if she wonders what shes missed?

Time will tell, and I can tell with time things should be fine. Lesson learned!
Shes the best she can be, right now!

WLS UPDATE : Physc Eval take 2

So I anxiously awaited from last thursday until today for the " Second part of my Physcological Evaluation ".
I was nervous because first, no one ever said it would take 2 visits, and I was worried and just * knew * I was going to fail since Dr. P wanted to see me again today...

Upon getting there, we were talking about last thursdays visit and stuff, then got into more of the how I plan to handle this, what I think of all of this etc. And how I want to continue to see her. I like to have a therapist, and I do like her ALOT. Shes wonderful and told me that last week listening to me was hard for her, because she is so much like me.
Infertile ( had children through adoptions ), medically ill, once overwheight etc.

She said that I unlike so many others, answered things on my test in ways she hadnt seen. I apparently am NOT interested in this surgery for cosmetic reasons, and really wanna persue my health. Why I had to pay to figure or prove this all is beyond me, but there it was in black and white :)
To sum my extensive 2 hour visit up in a few brief words : I GOT THE GREEN LIGHT AND FULL SUPPORT FROM DR. P!!!!!!

She will be sending my stuff over to the surgeon this week, so we can file for final insurance, and then schedule PRE - OP!!!
WOOT WOOT.
Im thrilled.

I will see her again before surgery, and then a couple times after, to help deal with some of the anxieties about this all. I feel really positive in this direction and am happy to be on the other side of this lil hill now :)
Now...

While I was waiting outside for my mom to pick me up, I snapped a few misc pics of her building and the others around it.
She owns/and works out of the " Undercliff house " which is a mansion built in 1889. Its so breathtaking!
infront of the mansion is a the Marycliff highschool from the early 1900's and snapped these on the walk around...
simple snap shots from my cheapie digi in b/w

* Ive been reading alot about these buildings and will post soon for your pleasure *

I am proud of him

I am so proud of Mike.
Ive always been proud but I guess didnt always show it, so he says.
So in my honest attempts to let it be known maybe this is a clue.
I am so proud of him for so many reasons, but recently hes been very tested. With time, money and me of course.
With work mainly however.
His work, in which he LOVES and is so blessed to have, wanted to lay him off, even told him on the spot one day, that he needed to be laid off and he would be loosing his run.
He was crushed. Hes worked so hard for these guys, and done so much. He was happy there...
but he put one foot infront of the other, and kept on working as they needed him.
Call it luck, faith whatever we got a huge snow storm that brought a ton of snow... its just what he needed. 1/2 the crew couldnt work in it so guess who they would call - MY HUSBAND. Honest, hard working, likeable Mike go figure.
He seen them through like any dedicated employee would - why? because he beleives in the company.
He was sad they didnt beleive back.
Meanwhile he knew he was still facing a lay off - he looked for other work, filing out applications setting up interviews etc.
Then one day he got the word he wanted to hear " they would make a spot for him and promise the 40 hr. Min at his hourly rate " He accepted it, and has been thankful for it.
Im so proud of him for holding to what he knew to be true. For never giving up and for beleiving that sometimes things can go right.
He deserves alot more, and in time i bet this will grow - but all I want him to know is IM PROUD OF HIM!

For all he does, for all he is, and for the man I love!

WLS Update : Required Support Meeting

Tonight I finished another of the requirements for pre - op.

I went to the WLS support group meeting.
These meetings are held each month on the 1st Tuesday and the 3rd Thursday.

Mike went with me and it was very nice to sit and see first hand some pre op, post op, and milestone wls patients.

Theres all walks, all sizes, and all personalities there, and I fit right in.

I learned a few new facts :

* At 4 months post op the average weight loss is appx 50lbs.
* Vitamin D is dependant on Calcium so both must be balanced well with the vitamins
* Hospital stays are about 3-5 days. 2 being the absolute earliest for release.
* You can drink water all day up to your meals, but dont drink for 30 minutes after you eat.

I think these montly meetings will be important as I am sure to have sooo many more questions! but for now, this one was squeezed in because I had to have at least 1 in before the pre- op meeting.

Glad I went.

WLS update : Phsycologist Evaluation

I had my head examined :P

No seriously a requirement of my insurance for the surgery is that I have a Physcological evaluation. I am guessing from what I have heard its to establish how educated and prepared I am to take on such a life changing thing.
I was prepared for all she had to ask...
what I wasnt prepared for is what she REALLY asked.
It was hard to recall for her my past 10-15 years of all I have been going through. She asked about anything from my health prior to my original weight gain, to our miscarriages and pregnancy and birth of Madaya.
The session was 90 minutes of intense questions, and I was a mess when I left.
I thought maybe this was all I had to do - and was puzzled as to why this stuff mattered.
Then Dr. P said " I dont normally work on Monday's but I would like to see you back here at 1pm Monday to finish this up - we will meet for 2-3 hours! "

I agreed, went to the car, and headed home.
On my way I got to thinking. Why? Why do I need to go back - Is something wrong with me. I mean I know I am an emotional mess, but not over the surgery or the things Im taking on. I was crying on 3 major things :
- Infertility and the struggles we had along with that.
- My recent changes in life : home, love, friends, family etc.
- My weight - and self image.

All that is to be expected right? I mean this stuff is hard!

So Monday January 19th I will meet with Dr. P again for her time stated, and hopefully will wrap up the evaluation. This is by all means the very last step - before approval.

Next Up :

- Meeting with Phsyc. Monday Jan 19th
- Attend 1 support group meeting Thursday January 15th 6pm
- Send off to Insurance ( hopefully late week 2oth-24th? )
- Wait for answer ( 24-48 hours from blue cross )
- Pre Op Appointment
- Operation

The cutest window cling ever!

I dont know what she was looking at or why... But she was stuck there .....

But from the outside in - shes the cutest little window cling I have ever seen :)

WLS UPDATE : Nutrition Visit

I had my nutritional visit today with the nutritionist/nurse at Rockwood for my WLS surgery.
I was so nervous but excited to meet her, and hear what she had to say.
Lord knows I have been reading, and researching each and every aspect of this journey, and the nutritional part has had me stumped a few times.
My decission hasnt come easy to swallow for some, yet for me its been clear cut and so out there infront of me its not even funny.
To have each peice of this puzzle begin to fall into place is so nice.

Mike went with me thismorning and that was so important to me. Him being my biggest fan and largest support person, I think its important he heard what the nutritionist had to say too. He can help keep me focused, and in line with myself and the team behind me.

Merri Lou ( the nutri ), Spent 90 minutes with us, questioning me about my ways, my attitude about it all, trying to see what exactly I knew and didnt know about what Im taking on and then spent some time going over what most patients need to know or do, and then an intro to foods for right after surgery.

We walked away today with tons of knowledge.
I think it really hit me when she pulled out 6 little 1oz glasses ( think tiny shot glass ) and said this would be what I consume the first 4 weeks post op. 6 individual meals, all liquid or pureed 1oz each 6 times a day... WHOA.
I know thats drastic, but what a way to put it into perspective. Even mike said theres no way he could do it.
I know its only temperary and that with time I will again be able to eat just that I wont be able to eat what others do. I will need to choose wisely, pay attention to proteins, and be diligent about how often I do eat.
Alot of work cut out for me!

I can do this!

Mike asked Merri Lou a great question " Will April feel bad when were all eating around her, or were out to dinner, and she cant eat certain things " - In my head I was thinking, well isnt that up to me? But Merri had a great answer " No - She shouldnt feel out of place, and neither should you guys. She wont be hungry. She will be satisfied with her ___________ ( whatever meal(s) ) and not think of it that way. The surgery changes body & mind! ".
Wow - that took me by suprise! I bet shes right... the feeling of satisfication will be different.
She did state its usually others at the table that are feeling useasy about me, and makes them watch what they are eating/doing themselves. Its a lesson to be learned when the time comes she said.

To sum it up she told us that during the time with us or me, her job is to determine how ready, able and educated I am about what Im about to take on.
She said I passed with flying colors and that I wouldnt even have to do the diet or any diet per say before surgery... GREAT right?!
I will need to be on clear liquid the day before operation though, and then we will go step by step. She also helped me with ways to get around the artificial sweetener issue. I think were on the right track.
I will see her more for my pre-op, post op and as needed to be ok with the way things are!

So....
the next and last step before approval is :

Phsycological ( editor did i spell this right? ) Exam. I do this in 3 days!!! Im excited and hope the outcome is just as good as today's!

Heres my to do list for this week - surgery :

- Be aware of how often I eat / log it on my journal
- TRY to get 6 eat times in a day / log them in the journal
- Cut out bread, and potatoes - this is going to mean a big difference long term.
- More water / aim for 1 gallon a day not the 3qt.
- Research vitamins - this is a must.

Finger Painting or Painted?

Madaya and I were finger painting today... but I think she looks more finger painted!
She took it upon herself to lather herself up like lotion and tell me all about it.
I was stunned, grabbed the camera and she proceeded to show me exactly how she did it :)
For the record though - her art was just as pretty. Silly girl.



*** Will add photos soon - Please check back ****

On my way...

To where the skies arent grey... can you tell me how to get... how to get to sesame street?
.... We never did get directions, infact people might look at me funny if I hummed that lil tune, but we did find ELMO!!
MyGym had a open house day with ELMO today, and I took Madaya. Lord knows she loves this red lil monster and she was all about it.
We had fun.
Heres some super cuteness!

Just hanging around... The monster of the hour...
yup... I know :)

Dare I say it?

I dont know if I dare say this because things never seem to stay calm for long...

But I guess I will because we are so excited :

Mikes boss talked to him today and said he will have a Full time spot this coming schedule ( week ). And the weeks to come.

for us this means the recent lack or work, and layoff scare is dead in the water, and we can resume our life.
Its already stressfull to think that when and if something like a layoff happens he may have to go over the road to make ends meet, and that adds alot of stress on him and in turn I.

We love having him home daily, and this new way will certainly allow for that :) there will be times he leaves at 5pm - ish , but is gone over night home the next mid morning/afternoon. So not to bad.
Remember what he used to do. so it is nothing in comparison!

Mike - I am so proud of you. Your doing so good keeping your patients with the politics of it all and dealing with all your taking on. Im right next to you, so when your weak lean my way.
: ) I love you hunny.

Diagnosis from Sleep Study ...

...... Sleep Apnea.



I had several occurances of non-breathing apparently and they said I need to try a CPAP machine.

What this could mean :



- Better sleep for me

- 8 weeks before surgery --- SO HOPING NOT!!!

- Better breathing for me

- A healthier immune system

- No dark circles under my eyes

- No snoring :)



Not too bad, and happy to have answers.

I meet with the Dr. this coming week for more info.

WLS UPDATE

I called the BCBS office today to check on the status of the " prio authorization " the new nurse at the surgeons office said we were waiting on and " had to have before moving to the next step"...
HA!
The insurance had no idea about it, so I called the office and got ahold of my normal gal - who was livid to hear what I was told by the other nurse.
I dont need to wait for a prior Auth to do my Physc eval and Nutritional Consult and infact I need both those things before they can send it to my insurance for the approval - ARE YOU KIDDING? 2 weeks wasted!

I did manage to squeeze in the sleep study, so thats done. Now I have to do these next 2 things, so they can submit it to BCBS.
Were still hoping for surgery late January or 1st week in February if we can pull it all together.

This just in tonight :

I will do the Nutritional Consult Monday January 12th -
and the Physc Eval on January 15th!!!
Thats fantastic and deffinetely a step in the right direction! Heres hoping I am saine and hungry :)

Until next time...

What kind of animal ?

Want to know what kind of animal ... ?

" flarps "

" rows ass "

likes to " pink "

loves " hunny "

has " melly " feets

drinks " juuuuicey milk "

eats " got gogs "

Sounds horrendous huh?
No shes actually quite cute!

See...

Its a roo bug!!

Flarp = roo for Fart
Row ass = She is growing GRASS ( in her container in the kitchen )
Pink = Paint - she loves to paint!
Hunny = Honey :) she calls momma, daddy and anyone else Hunny as well as the food.
Melly = Smelly - She always thinks her feet smell.
Juuuuicey Milk = Her pediasure. Sooo funny.
Got Gogs = Hot Dogs. One of her favs!

Dayas new throne

.....and this time I dont mean the potty!

We got a killer deal ( 14.00 ) on this 100.00 + chair for roo - Brand new. We all love a great deal right?!

It even says Princess on the pillow, and has an embroidered crown on the back --- soo roo.
It is a very pale pink, velvity material - so soft!

play - doh doh's

What is there to say?

I dont know who leads who! Doh' Dohs!

They had fun though!

I swear...

I would totally lose my mind if it werent contained in my head.

Ive lost my Cell Phone!!

I know where : The Valley Mall Theatre.
I know when : Sunday January 4th around 9pm.

I coulda sworn I used it on the way home though...
But I dont know where it is now... I looked everywhere.

Ugh.


Update : Found it .... Daya had been playing house with it apparently, maybe because all 5 of her phones arent enough? At anyrate happy to have it safe and sound. Now we can turn it back on.

Allergies Smalergies

UGH.

So for 4.5 hours we sat at the Spokane Allergy and Asthma Clinic today waiting for the answers we so desperately have been waiting for...
and we got them, but guess what?

WE ALREADY KNEW THEM!!!

LOL -

Short story:

Madaya had 104 test's done on the skin today.
At the end it came back that shes allergic to : Yellow Dies, Red Dies, and Cantelope.
Also sensitive were rhined melons, pears, fructose.
so that explains ALOT.
we will try to control them by adjusting what she eats/drinks.

now for her " suspected environmental allergies " shes not allergic to anything outside, but she has a issue called " NARES " . There are live cells in her nasal cavity which are sensitive to things, and set off an immune system flare via histimine increases. The treatment is 6-8 weeks of steroids squirted up her nose :) Fun huh?!

So... happy to have some answers. She needs more testing but cant until the 6-8 week mark. She follows up in late feb. We will address some more then.

Marley & Me like Kaydough & I

"A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his. It was really quite simple, and yet we humans, so much wiser and more sophisticated, have always had trouble figuring out what really counts and what does not. As I wrote that farewell column to Marley, I realized it was all right there in front of us, if only we opened our eyes. Sometimes it took a dog with bad breath, worse manners, and pure intentions to help us see."
— John Grogan

( This qoute comes from the book - not the movie - but the movie is very close in words. )


Lastnight we took roo to see Marley and Me. She has been asking for weeks having seen the darn previews on Tv. I read the book the other day online ( ill spare details as much as possible - because i know some are still reading it ) so that I knew what the rave was about. I can say now the book by far is better than the movie was, none the less though despite leaving some very important peices out,
The movie suprisingly was close to the book, but I also think movies always have a way of bringing out the emotion.
At anyrate...
Upon arriving at the theatre we got our tickets went and walked down the long hall hearing daya tell everyone " me see marley me see marley " and then getting to our seats. She was so beyond excited.
As the movie started I thought - lord I wasted money - I read the book, why bother this is the same - HA not the case.
Daya was in awe of the funnies the dog did, and I was filled with emotion and thought of her own personal on goings with our Kaydough.

Marley & Me the movie is very cute, but again, I would say the book is by far the superior - I would have loved to read the original news colomns, John wrote.

Having said that,
By end of movie I just wanted to bawl - not to much from "Marley's memories"
but more so what I am facing.

Mike and I have agreed its time to put Kaydough down. And it all just hit home.
This decission isnt coming easy, its been long, tough and is so much more than I had thought and after seeing this movie I coulda wrote it myself. So sad, yet so true

" Only a dog can love a human so loyally. With no care of material belongings, homes, cars or designer labels, but with only pure honest love. "

Kaydough has been so much to us. Hes been sick from the start - but its been so much fun.
hes brought laughs in times when we thought we couldnt laugh. Hes kept me warm on my coldest nights. Hes a best friend when others leave and hes always there to lean on when the tears start to fall. All these things and more make all the bad not so bad at all ...

He can eat one more pair of dirty undies, he can chew 2 more brand new robies shoes at 30.00 a pair, he can get hair on each and everything I own, and smell the house up like no other because " hes bubba. My baby. " .

I dont know how I will get through this - only that its a must.
Hes in pain hes suffering and its just not fair to any of us....


Marley & me like Kaydough & I.

" Poop " goes the weassel

yes I said POOP. ( Thanks Editor - for your concern ;) ).

Madaya has this potty thing down. Were in big girl panties all day each day - minus the trips in the car, and night time when she has a " go pantie " ( diaper ) on. She still keeps them dry - but its a peace of mind for me if anything.

Well....
Today is another story.
Poop goes the weassel fits because madaya is a weassel lately. Today she managed not once, not twice but three times to " pooper her pannies momma " and manage to do so BEFORE actually making it to the toilet. It makes me sooo mad.
She knows shes going to go - she says so - but yes does it.
Its only #2 that she does this with - as #1 is usually right on target.

I told her if she was gonna keep pooping her her " pannies " we have to give them to a big girl, and she can wear baby diapers. To which she replied...

" No momma Elmo POOPED! " as in HER ELMO PANNIES POOPED THEMSELVES.

Im not going to ask whats next!

WLS UPDATE : Sleep Study

I go for my sleep study tonight. Im kinda excited, but nervous. I check in at 7pm, get all hooked up then SLEEP. LOL or lack of.

The next step in the surgery pre-op's is my GI scan, and labs. THEN IM READY!!!
Hopefully insurance gives the answer this coming week as well - but still should be fine.

I soooo cant wait to be a loser!

Happy New Year

Welcome 2009.

I hope that each and everyone of you find your peace, happiness and welbeing this coming year.
Its gotta be better than the last - and its going to be what you make of it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR