... Ran across this the other day, written by a patient who also heard what I have " why take the easy way out ".
So I thought I would post it.
Did I take the easy way out? ---- Let me know, but I sure dont think so! :
So you say I took the easy way out?
I had my internal organs rearranged in an invasive surgery
I throw up if I eat more than 5 grams of sugar
I throw up if I drink too fast, or too much even if I am THIRSTY
I had to change every aspect of my life
I can’t eat my favorite foods during the holidays
I go days and days without pooping
I’m an outcast where ever I go
I will never eat at a buffet again
I HAVE TO work out every day
My hair falls out in clumps
I have to pop vitamins like mentos
My stomach makes embarrassing loud noises
I hit month long stalls where the weight won’t come off and I feel sick
I drink disgusting protein shakes 2 times a day just to " eat like normal "
People think I am a freak, as they go about eating their nasty fatty meals... They make ME feel out of place.
But no no you’re right, I
totally took the easy way out!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
A lil nurse... to say the least
Madaya has been sooooo funny!
I came home from the Hospital on Sunday March 29th.
She saw the nurses, or family members walk me to the bathroom while in there, care for me, turn me, help me up, check my wounds etc..
So at home : SHES MY LIL NURSE!!!
She is so cute,
She grabs my pant legs and " walks " or " carries " me to the bathroom, bedroom or wherever, she lifts my shirt to " check mommies ouchies ", and she even says " can me get you some-ting " so cute.
Im in good hands. Loving hands. Lil hands.
I came home from the Hospital on Sunday March 29th.
She saw the nurses, or family members walk me to the bathroom while in there, care for me, turn me, help me up, check my wounds etc..
So at home : SHES MY LIL NURSE!!!
She is so cute,
She grabs my pant legs and " walks " or " carries " me to the bathroom, bedroom or wherever, she lifts my shirt to " check mommies ouchies ", and she even says " can me get you some-ting " so cute.
Im in good hands. Loving hands. Lil hands.
Daya holds mommys pants while walking me to the " bafff -womb" . Such a lil nurse...
OH AND EXCUSE OUR OH SO BEAUTIFUL ATTIRE : )
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Happy New Birthday to me!
I think I know why they call it a new birthday.
Alot just changed on Friday March 27th, and I am completely new in so many ways. Nothing will be the same...
Friday morning we got up around 4 so they we could be to SHMC by 5am for check in. Upon checking in they immediatly got things started and had us in a pre-op room to get my IV and such set up.
If I was to base the whole thing on the pre-op stuff I would have then said it was all going to be so wonderful....
Finally about 7 am I said goodbye to mom, ann and daya, and then lastly Michael. I assured him unlike last time I would be just fine upon my awakening and he is the first one I want to see..
The staff tells mike surgery will be " approx 150 minutes, and then dr. Spitz will come see him ".
Come 10:30 - almost 3 1/2 hours later Mike still hadnt heard anything and nerves were high.
I woke up on my own in a corner of the PACU unit at 11:15. I asked the nurse to see my husband and she said I couldnt. No one is allowed back there? I felt ok, other than really sick, and tired.
I kept looking at the clock...
I heard one nurse say ' find her a recliner cause shes gotta get out of her , we can put her in pt. holding '. I lost it - I WANT A BED !!!
At 1:45pm - yes 1:45 they finally said they would be moving me upstairs and I would soon see mike. I was livid, scared and confused.
They got me moved upstairs about 2:30 where mike informed me of the horrible staff. They didnt tell him one thing. Not when I could be expected, Not that I was ok, not that I was awake, and not that the reason it took so long in the first place is cause surgery didnt start till 8:30.
The nurses were very rude to me, and I had at that point had enough.
Mom, Ann and Mike stayed with me a bit, but Mike had to get to work, and mom and ann left so that I could get some rest...
Waiting for help around there SUCKED.
Mom and Daya, Bree and Curt came up and visited a while. it was nice to have them close. I was feeling pretty uneasy! My pain at that point not well controlled at all and I was still super groggy.
They left, and Dee and Ann came up... Had a good visit, I informed them of the stupid staff and then was ready for a nap.
The next day ( saturday ) things got worse. Actually through that night. The morphine pump wasnt doing much but making me sick to my tummy, and dizzy - so they tried 4 different opiette based drugs for the PAC pump. Finally they went with dolated. It helped a little bit but still not giving me the rest I needed from the pain. They didnt get me out of bed to walk - which had me frustrated because I knew the sooner I could accomplish that the sooner my head would come down to earth.
At 8am saturday transport for radiology came down to take me for my pouch study ( to make sure theres no leaks ) and when I got down there I was dizzy, nausiated and hadnt stood at all. They sent me back to my room, and told the nurses I really needed to be better controlled!
- Skip ahead I fought hard to keep the pain in check, and then walk. They attemped the study again around 1 and it worked just fine :).
There was a point after they removed my cathader that I had to go to the bathroom so bad. I called the nurse 30 minutes passed with no answer, then I started having bladder and kidney pain and leaking urine NOT HAPPY about that. My aunt finally got pissed, got me to the potty and let the nurse have it! That was totally un acceptable!
The care was by far the worst ive ever gotten.
My childhood best friend Jamie's mom was there shes a NAC on the same floor and she, although not assinged to me, was a god send. She helped me out so much! I was worried of jamie too because she had her new lil baby boy friday afternoon, and was bleeding heavy. It gave me something to think of though :).
I finally seen my surgeon Sat night. He said " He couldnt have asked for a better surgery " it was picture perfect, and that I could start drinking clear liquids since the pouch study was fine.
He said that he would order liquid meds to get the pain in check and that if all went well I could go home sunday or monday.
Come today ( sunday ) I was tired of not getting help. I made myself get out of bed, to the bathroom etc, and took the new meds. I was feeling so much better and told dr. I did want to go home.
Friday morning we got up around 4 so they we could be to SHMC by 5am for check in. Upon checking in they immediatly got things started and had us in a pre-op room to get my IV and such set up.
If I was to base the whole thing on the pre-op stuff I would have then said it was all going to be so wonderful....
Finally about 7 am I said goodbye to mom, ann and daya, and then lastly Michael. I assured him unlike last time I would be just fine upon my awakening and he is the first one I want to see..
The staff tells mike surgery will be " approx 150 minutes, and then dr. Spitz will come see him ".
Come 10:30 - almost 3 1/2 hours later Mike still hadnt heard anything and nerves were high.
I woke up on my own in a corner of the PACU unit at 11:15. I asked the nurse to see my husband and she said I couldnt. No one is allowed back there? I felt ok, other than really sick, and tired.
I kept looking at the clock...
I heard one nurse say ' find her a recliner cause shes gotta get out of her , we can put her in pt. holding '. I lost it - I WANT A BED !!!
At 1:45pm - yes 1:45 they finally said they would be moving me upstairs and I would soon see mike. I was livid, scared and confused.
They got me moved upstairs about 2:30 where mike informed me of the horrible staff. They didnt tell him one thing. Not when I could be expected, Not that I was ok, not that I was awake, and not that the reason it took so long in the first place is cause surgery didnt start till 8:30.
The nurses were very rude to me, and I had at that point had enough.
Mom, Ann and Mike stayed with me a bit, but Mike had to get to work, and mom and ann left so that I could get some rest...
Waiting for help around there SUCKED.
Mom and Daya, Bree and Curt came up and visited a while. it was nice to have them close. I was feeling pretty uneasy! My pain at that point not well controlled at all and I was still super groggy.
They left, and Dee and Ann came up... Had a good visit, I informed them of the stupid staff and then was ready for a nap.
The next day ( saturday ) things got worse. Actually through that night. The morphine pump wasnt doing much but making me sick to my tummy, and dizzy - so they tried 4 different opiette based drugs for the PAC pump. Finally they went with dolated. It helped a little bit but still not giving me the rest I needed from the pain. They didnt get me out of bed to walk - which had me frustrated because I knew the sooner I could accomplish that the sooner my head would come down to earth.
At 8am saturday transport for radiology came down to take me for my pouch study ( to make sure theres no leaks ) and when I got down there I was dizzy, nausiated and hadnt stood at all. They sent me back to my room, and told the nurses I really needed to be better controlled!
- Skip ahead I fought hard to keep the pain in check, and then walk. They attemped the study again around 1 and it worked just fine :).
There was a point after they removed my cathader that I had to go to the bathroom so bad. I called the nurse 30 minutes passed with no answer, then I started having bladder and kidney pain and leaking urine NOT HAPPY about that. My aunt finally got pissed, got me to the potty and let the nurse have it! That was totally un acceptable!
The care was by far the worst ive ever gotten.
My childhood best friend Jamie's mom was there shes a NAC on the same floor and she, although not assinged to me, was a god send. She helped me out so much! I was worried of jamie too because she had her new lil baby boy friday afternoon, and was bleeding heavy. It gave me something to think of though :).
I finally seen my surgeon Sat night. He said " He couldnt have asked for a better surgery " it was picture perfect, and that I could start drinking clear liquids since the pouch study was fine.
He said that he would order liquid meds to get the pain in check and that if all went well I could go home sunday or monday.
Come today ( sunday ) I was tired of not getting help. I made myself get out of bed, to the bathroom etc, and took the new meds. I was feeling so much better and told dr. I did want to go home.
Long story short here I am at home.
The pain is incredible. Im still not breathing as well as I should be but im practicing. Eating is hard. Im full all the time. And im pushing fluids as much as I can.
I did it..... and I dont regret one thing about it so far.
The pain is incredible. Im still not breathing as well as I should be but im practicing. Eating is hard. Im full all the time. And im pushing fluids as much as I can.
I did it..... and I dont regret one thing about it so far.
Ill update in a few days :)
For all intents and purposes thsi will be my " before photo " Day of surgery 214lbs.
Pretty flowers Aunt Ann brought me - With a card " Wishing you a healthier life ".
Momma and Roo right before surgery :) Not too bad for a 5am -ish photo
My battle wounds. 5 holes in all. The one with the gauze was where my drain tube was. The other 4 are small in comparison and will fade.
Stats :
48 Hours Post Op - Drinking clear liquids, Having 1oz meals of soup or the like for the next 2 weeks. Feeling ok, but sore.
Weight : 211 lbs according to hospital scale, but I think its more like 214lbs.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Tomorrow
Tomorrow will change my life. Forever.
Hopefully for the good!
I am full of emotions today. Happy, Sad, Worried, Scared, Hopefull... its all over the place.
I wanted to blog about WHY I am doing this. I feel it will help, because I am having alot of anxieties about the " What if's " . Im going to stay focused on the reasons I am doing this and beleive that its these why's that makes it right.
I am doing this for me. Its hard because Im never selfish. I dont put myself first, and this is doing just that. Its me going through the hell, in an atempt to become healthier so that I can be more for my daughter, my husband, my family and my friends.
I am doing this for my health. 90% of my health conditions can and will be improved with this surgery and my living the new lifestyle. Its been a long time since ive been pain free, worry free and free to dream of the life I gave up.
I am doing this because the studies show theres much more to life afterwards. The risks are small in comparasion to what Ive already been through.
I am doing this because I will do either way. Either from not doing anything, or trying to do something. Its inevitable. But I want to be the better odds!
I am doing this because I want to not take 13 pills a day ( Yes, ill be taking vitamins but thats ok by me! ).
I am doing this to show Madaya that you have to not give in to others ideas!
I am doing this for LIFE!
I have a million reasons why and have a hard time of coming up with a why not.
I am doing this because I have to!
My grandmother said on the phone lastnight " When you look anirexic ( spelling ) and so sick promise me youll get help " First off I WILL LOOK SICK to those who are used to seeing me now. BUT I WILL BE OK. I WILL BOUNCE BACK I WILL BALANCE OUT!!!
My aunt once said " Id rather just be fat than have that done " GREAT! Me too if I could " JUST BE FAT " too bad for me its fat, diabetic, lupus, high bloodpressure, high chloresterol, and edema... and not " just fat ". This isnt easy.
People say " thats the easy way out " - Humph, Im still looking for that door. Because so far this whole journey has been hell. No easy way about it. I have and will continue to work hard to make this work. Its only a tool. I will do this
I am doing this for a new life! A life that was taken from me unfairly. I can fightback!
Thank you to those who have loved and supported me each step of the way! I cant wait to show you WHY I did this.
I cant wait to toss the pill box, or trade it for a vitamin box ;). I cant wait to run with Madaya and not need an inhailer or a insulin injection at the end of that day :)
Happy New Birthday to me.
I will update tomarrow after surgery. As I am able.
Hopefully for the good!
I am full of emotions today. Happy, Sad, Worried, Scared, Hopefull... its all over the place.
I wanted to blog about WHY I am doing this. I feel it will help, because I am having alot of anxieties about the " What if's " . Im going to stay focused on the reasons I am doing this and beleive that its these why's that makes it right.
I am doing this for me. Its hard because Im never selfish. I dont put myself first, and this is doing just that. Its me going through the hell, in an atempt to become healthier so that I can be more for my daughter, my husband, my family and my friends.
I am doing this for my health. 90% of my health conditions can and will be improved with this surgery and my living the new lifestyle. Its been a long time since ive been pain free, worry free and free to dream of the life I gave up.
I am doing this because the studies show theres much more to life afterwards. The risks are small in comparasion to what Ive already been through.
I am doing this because I will do either way. Either from not doing anything, or trying to do something. Its inevitable. But I want to be the better odds!
I am doing this because I want to not take 13 pills a day ( Yes, ill be taking vitamins but thats ok by me! ).
I am doing this to show Madaya that you have to not give in to others ideas!
I am doing this for LIFE!
I have a million reasons why and have a hard time of coming up with a why not.
I am doing this because I have to!
My grandmother said on the phone lastnight " When you look anirexic ( spelling ) and so sick promise me youll get help " First off I WILL LOOK SICK to those who are used to seeing me now. BUT I WILL BE OK. I WILL BOUNCE BACK I WILL BALANCE OUT!!!
My aunt once said " Id rather just be fat than have that done " GREAT! Me too if I could " JUST BE FAT " too bad for me its fat, diabetic, lupus, high bloodpressure, high chloresterol, and edema... and not " just fat ". This isnt easy.
People say " thats the easy way out " - Humph, Im still looking for that door. Because so far this whole journey has been hell. No easy way about it. I have and will continue to work hard to make this work. Its only a tool. I will do this
I am doing this for a new life! A life that was taken from me unfairly. I can fightback!
Thank you to those who have loved and supported me each step of the way! I cant wait to show you WHY I did this.
I cant wait to toss the pill box, or trade it for a vitamin box ;). I cant wait to run with Madaya and not need an inhailer or a insulin injection at the end of that day :)
Happy New Birthday to me.
I will update tomarrow after surgery. As I am able.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
UTI for Roo Bug
Roo hasnt been feeling well for the past couple of days ( this aside from the helatious past few weeks ) and has been complaining that her tummy, back and potty hurts. It got worse yesterday and she started having " accidents " that she couldnt seem to controll.
I called the dr. they had her come in and pee in a cup - boy thats a story in itself!
At anyrate her urine has alot of glucotrites, and some blood in it so they are sending it out for culture. Its a UTI but not sure what type - so - In the mean time shes on Bactrum, and hopefully will be feeling better soon. We are betting we caught this early enough :)
Shes sure not happy when she accidently pee's or hurts so badly when it happens!
poor roo!
I called the dr. they had her come in and pee in a cup - boy thats a story in itself!
At anyrate her urine has alot of glucotrites, and some blood in it so they are sending it out for culture. Its a UTI but not sure what type - so - In the mean time shes on Bactrum, and hopefully will be feeling better soon. We are betting we caught this early enough :)
Shes sure not happy when she accidently pee's or hurts so badly when it happens!
poor roo!
Friday, March 20, 2009
A reason to Celebrate!
.... I have found some vitamins I beleive will work perfect for me.
Mike and I decided to go the whole route since the nutritionist says that its easier if you build a strong rigid routine. Most of the vitamins made for people who have had a RNY are ungodly expensive, and we didnt think we would be able to do it...
Today while browsing some pages my Nutritionist told me about I found :
These vitamins taste great! Are 100% chewable ( VERY IMPORTANT AS YOU CANT IRRITATE THE POUCH! ) and will work well with the added supliments to make sure I am getting at least 200% of the daily need ( remember I will only asorb 1/2 hence needing the 200%! ).
The best news...
For a 3 month supply for EVERYTHING its only 100.00!! ( thats about 33.33 a month! ) and they can be sent automatically! THANK GOD.
So not only do they taste GREAT they cost FANTASTIC :) he he. That always makes it better.
I found a reason to " CELEBRATE " .
Celebrate vitamins can be found here http://www.celebratevitamins.com/ .
Say cheese
.... at chucky cheese that is.
Today I took roo to play with her friends Harley and Joseph while I visited with our friends Karen, and Corey.
We had fun and roo is much to silly!
She plays the games like shes a pro and loves to earn her " tickets "
checking out the goods!
playing " toss the doggy the ball "
Laughing at this doggy ride
tossing the balls into the buckets
Today I took roo to play with her friends Harley and Joseph while I visited with our friends Karen, and Corey.
We had fun and roo is much to silly!
She plays the games like shes a pro and loves to earn her " tickets "
checking out the goods!
playing " toss the doggy the ball "
Laughing at this doggy ride
tossing the balls into the bucketsWednesday, March 18, 2009
WLS: Financial update
Yesterday afternoon I got a call from the Hospital's financial coorinator tsaying that they would need my whole 1500.00 paid upfront before my operation - KEEP IN MIND THIS IS 9 days PRIOR TO! I was upset and more so than the fact that I dont have the whole 1500.00 but more of the way the lady was with me. So rude. Short and un relenting.
Let me explain something. This surgery is estimated to be about 40k when all is said and done. My insurance has deemed it medically necesery and has agreed, suppling the center, with written approval to pay 90% of the allowed amount, and 100% of all balance after my 1500.00 out of pocket MAX. Well, we have met a few hundred of the out of pocket max so theres no way for SHMC ( the hospital ) to know. Im livid that they wanted the whole 1500.00!!
When I called her back she said well the minimum we can take will be 700.00! Ugh... ok still more out of range, but what can I do. Her advice was " Call your surgeon and postpone or cancel until you can pay the deposit " How fair is this this close to surgery.
..... Lets skip forward to today. I called and called and called again to the financial office, and got several different assey nine excuses. One after another. What the manager finally said is that they have to have proof that we wont "stiff" them. So ... she said 1/3 of my MAX out of pocket will be fair. 500.00!
The rules are this. I need to post 500.00 to the hospital cashier at least 24 hours prior to the operation or they will not admit me.
Im very upset - and dont like all this coming up. But I think thats the plan. One foot infront of the other!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
My Lucky Lovey Dovey Post
Had to spread some love ... and a lil luck for today :)
Im so in love and lucky to have my hubby.
You know I was thinking I dont share much lately about him. Mainly because that was one of our rules. He didnt care for me telling every lil thing... so I just watch what I post to the blog or to my boards now alot better.
Anyways, things for the most part ( 99.9% ) have been wonderful and were working hard daily on this wonderful marriage that we have created and grown. There is a .2% where we go astray and the nasty old habbits creep up, but nothing compared to how it was.
That being said we had a blow up the other night. Both of us just not " getting what we needed ", In terms of affection, communication. We agreed we need to step this up. We dont know what were missing if we dont tell the other. So amungst other issues of ours - I told him I have alot weighing on me - no pun intended. Madaya has been very sick for 3 weeks. Ive slept very little, Im stressed, feeling unsettled, missing him dearly ( hes been working extra ) and im dealing with this rollercoaster of a WLS journey.
In regards to the WLS, he didnt realize what implications it was causing by him saying lil things here and there or not showing interest in it much has had on me... Anyways hes been much better and so much more considerate of me, my needs, and my wants for OUR future after my new birthday ( thats what were dubbing my surgery! ).
He said this morning that when he gets home were going to get some things wrapped up. I was so excited to hear him say that because its showing to me he DOES CARE AND WANT TO HELP TOO!
He told me tonight were going to get our patio stuff put on layaway, and our garage door opener picked out and ordered. Now i know thats not on MY to do list before next friday but its sweet that he thought of those things. And hes right - 2 very important things I want a part in and need. ( I wont be able to lift the garage door for about 12 weeks?! and we need to pay little weekly on a major puchase so we dont stress ) Hes also going to help get the garage unpacked and situated this weekend :)
Hes just being a love. Hes seriously so wonderful sometimes he makes me melt all over again.
Im so proud of him for all hes been doing with work ( hes working towards a management job there to be home even more ) but hes home 3 days a week now, and only working 4pm-4pm. So its NICE! Money hasnt been bad at around 900 a week, after taxes. I know hes got to be proud of himself. thats 1/2 of what he was making before but so much more rewarding in the home time, and quality of life. He sacrifices alot, and sometimes I need to slow down and look at that from all directions. I really am lucky to have him, and he I.
Seems like Love and Luck go well together!
ok ... enough mush, right.
We also made the decission to sell most of the baby clothes etc ( minus the preemie stuff - hard to come by stuff - and needs ) at the JustBetweenFriends sale. We have been saving them but in all likely hood they wouldnt be much good after being stored for what were guessing to be about 5 years by the time we need them ( 2 years now + 2-3 from now on ).
We will save the crib, furniture but all else can be replaced?!
We will also be thinning out her toys... were simplifying her too. She needs to learn to be creative not rely on having all this shit. We dont - she dont! Period. Im happy practicing green and simple ways and want her to learn too! ( NO FLAMES PLEASE ).
So I need to be busy tagging those things cause its 2 weeks post -op!!! AHH! - I know kinda crazy to take all that on too - but it will help keep my mind off other things - like not eating :).
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