Owning my own part

They say this is a big step in the healing process and here it is.

I have to own my own part ( and ONLY mine ) in the Life and Death of our Marriage.

Life of the Marriage :

I was honest
..... Friend.
..... Held our home together.
..... Maintained relationships with extended family.
..... Faithful, Dedicated and Loving.
..... Was here for him ( all the time! ).
..... Great mother to our Child.



Death:

I was affraid to trust him 110%
I was not affectionate enough ( FOR HIM ).
I was affraid of the changes he always wanted to make.
I was affraid of the Hurt I was so sure he would bring.
I wanted to fix him. I wanted to put him first before anything ( including myself ).


So there you have it.
Not so bad afterall. Infact it looks like learning to trust anyone ( first I have to trust myself ) will be the most difficult to overcome. Esp after being hurt so badly by someone you love so much.
I cannot blame myself 100% as I like to do and have to realize I did do everything I could - it just wasnt enough ( for him ) for someone and for me though it may be everything. Sometimes you cannot see what's right in front of you!