A Happy ( not so much ) Mothers day ( very much )

Sure, I know today is my day and I should just feel so loved and so special but honestly I dont. And of course I know how much Madaya loves me, but she just cant show it. I know she doesnt mean to make me angry, or frazzled and usually when she hugs me or giggles it all melts away anyways so none of it matters.... Today on MY day, I feel so tired, so down and so freaking lonely. Like I said... I know madaya loves me - this I am sure of. I cannot wait till she can tell me, spoil me and tell me all about it and I can tell her ( and she can understand ) just exactly how much she means to me. She truely is whats getting me through so many of these black days.Without her this hole in my heart would be more like a vast space ... At least with her only a part of me is missing.

All the other mothers in the family went to dinner tonight... I didnt go - Madaya always throughs a fit at a restraunt and makes it so unenjoyable i get embarrased that she screams, and hits and hollars I hate the looks people give me and then theres the comments others make. I just cant deal with it. I didnt want to ruin everyone elses good time. Shes also very under the weather, and icky feeling and sluggish oh joy!

So instead im sitting at my place and full of tears cause currently I honestly hate this life path thats been laid infront of me.
Being a mother is one of the hardest things ever, and although so joyfull so many days its a challange! I love my job as a momma and theres no greater joy than her sweet lil smile.
I just really want to wake up from all of this so soon, but right now am too tired to wake up - shit its all I can do to keep breathing.

Happy Mothers Day? sure, if you say so. It maynot be happy, but its deffinatly a Mother's Day... Complete from dirty diapers to grins and giggles!

The other mothers brought me flowers after their dinner... very pretty red roses with what look to be like purplish tips.