Tomorrow

Tomorrow will change my life. Forever.
Hopefully for the good!
I am full of emotions today. Happy, Sad, Worried, Scared, Hopefull... its all over the place.

I wanted to blog about WHY I am doing this. I feel it will help, because I am having alot of anxieties about the " What if's " . Im going to stay focused on the reasons I am doing this and beleive that its these why's that makes it right.

I am doing this for me. Its hard because Im never selfish. I dont put myself first, and this is doing just that. Its me going through the hell, in an atempt to become healthier so that I can be more for my daughter, my husband, my family and my friends.
I am doing this for my health. 90% of my health conditions can and will be improved with this surgery and my living the new lifestyle. Its been a long time since ive been pain free, worry free and free to dream of the life I gave up.
I am doing this because the studies show theres much more to life afterwards. The risks are small in comparasion to what Ive already been through.
I am doing this because I will do either way. Either from not doing anything, or trying to do something. Its inevitable. But I want to be the better odds!
I am doing this because I want to not take 13 pills a day ( Yes, ill be taking vitamins but thats ok by me! ).
I am doing this to show Madaya that you have to not give in to others ideas!
I am doing this for LIFE!

I have a million reasons why and have a hard time of coming up with a why not.

I am doing this because I have to!

My grandmother said on the phone lastnight " When you look anirexic ( spelling ) and so sick promise me youll get help " First off I WILL LOOK SICK to those who are used to seeing me now. BUT I WILL BE OK. I WILL BOUNCE BACK I WILL BALANCE OUT!!!
My aunt once said " Id rather just be fat than have that done " GREAT! Me too if I could " JUST BE FAT " too bad for me its fat, diabetic, lupus, high bloodpressure, high chloresterol, and edema... and not " just fat ". This isnt easy.
People say " thats the easy way out " - Humph, Im still looking for that door. Because so far this whole journey has been hell. No easy way about it. I have and will continue to work hard to make this work. Its only a tool. I will do this

I am doing this for a new life! A life that was taken from me unfairly. I can fightback!

Thank you to those who have loved and supported me each step of the way! I cant wait to show you WHY I did this.
I cant wait to toss the pill box, or trade it for a vitamin box ;). I cant wait to run with Madaya and not need an inhailer or a insulin injection at the end of that day :)

Happy New Birthday to me.

I will update tomarrow after surgery. As I am able.