My today.

This is our blog about yesterday, TODAY and tomorrow so here is my post for today.

Today I am very sad, but in a way a little releived. I guess you can say I was holding or trying to hold on to a friendship that I loved dearly.
Its been missing a while and today I found out that really we just don't fit at all. Not in anyway. Both selfish I guess and deffinetely in different stages of life. Someday I bet they will see but for now I will let it be what it is.
It hurts because it wraps up many many many emotions and things and memories and it stings because shes jaded and beleives only what she wants to.

the thing I thinkI hate the most is she belelieves I must sit around with the " family " and talk shit about others, when in reality I don't think anything has been said but " we miss.... " in AGES they nipped that in the butt and people in general knew its not our thing. sigh... insecurity is what they warned me about.

Many warned us of this from our friends to my physcologist so in all honesty I am going to try to get through this with out too much fret.

It really sucks that it happened near the holidays and near so much going on in our lifes but what they said rings true and no matter what they will still be family.

Just family that apparently we will get to see on their terms in their ways once a year? Lord knows its not going to be this year?!

Its scarey because I think about the things they will miss, the things they wont know or even care about and lord forbid the bad things too.

I will continue to update this blog since it is our family blog though and maybe that way they can kind of see and not have to pretend.

Madaya does have her specialist apt monday to discuss the options of a feeding tube, and the allergies back to back 8 am and 10am.
My cancer screens are this Fri - and next week.
and Mike leaves mid January if all is on track.

Looks like a couple of people get to say " I told you so " and that sucks too. I hate it when people say that!