I am only 2 months post op, but at the same time more than 1 year in to the whole journey itself. Until this point there really hasnt been much of what they said to speak of.
Let me just get this out - cause its late, Im very tired and very upset by this. Some may think its silly and Im willing to bet those who do need to look at themselves and think if maybe its cause they are in the same boat.
Tonight was support group. I normally wouldnt go on the tuesday ones ( held the 1st tues of the month ) but I really feel like I need to buck up and be accountable so its nice to know that the group is full of others there for support and to give support. Hence support group right? I felt the need to go and I wanted to go.
I had made plans for my mom to watch roo - at which time I also asked what they were doing for dinner because I knew full well that usually they eat out and that I would need to make other plans for that time. She said they were eating at home, even mentioned what it would be and I said ok, would pack dinner for Daya and I and come over... I get there and my aunt ( who mom lives with ) decided they wanted to go out. I use wanted instead of NEEDED because its truely not a need.
I was highly upset for many reasons and what it ultimately came down to was mom in tears, me leaving with roo, them headed to the local chinese resteraunt and me going to miss group.
* Im skipping alot of the story just becauseI dont feel like dictating every thing but you can build a good pic of how it went if you know my family.
The simple points to my arguement is this :
- Madaya already associates going to see someone ( could be anyone in the family ) with going to eat. This is not ok!
Yes, sadly this was life for a long time. We would go eat to celebrate, honor, feed, meet, talk Or ANYTHING. ALOT!!!
However for the past year we do try hard not to eat out, making sure we can provide nutritious allergy contious meals for her at home, and instilling good thoughts and healthy habbits. Saving money ( add it up if you spend 20.00 a night x however many nights out = ALOT ), and making sure were not consuming more than we NEED. Eating for nutrition not for fun really has became a way of life.
- Grammy and Ann ( using them together because they seem to be connected ) do eat out alot! They use every excuse as to why they dont eat at home from work hours, to tired, to nothing to eat to just plain ol " because " we can.
Grammy has health issues, and while ann is very ( still dont know how ) succsesful with eating out and loosing weight, mom isnt. I worry for her ALOT! Its my right I am her daughter!
- I see nothing wrong with going out once in awhile, but to do it often, and almost everytime we get to see you. Yeah its wrong.
- Had I known I wouldnt have told Daya we would not be eating out... I couldnt get there and then be like " oh yeah you can go with grammy " making her the link to eating out.
What kid wouldnt like to eat out ya know?!
* May I say we just had eaten out on the weekend @ applebee's because there wasnt food at the house, and we had all been working. See I am not flawless we do go out sometimes but we dont need to do it weekly!
so they had said " People who dont understand the changes your making for you, or that may be upset by the changes they think your making ( i.e. I used to go out all the time with them for whatever - I can even recall times we would eat out 2-3 times a day! ) will start to fall out emotionally because they dont know how to cope. " " Your change upsets them " ....
we've even heard the prime lines they said we would " I can eat out and still eat healthy " ( my argument is NO YOU CANNOT!! Its impossible! ) " Its cheaper to eat out than buy groceries for 1-2 people " ( sure it is for that 1 meal ;) too bad if you spent it on groceries you coulda had more meals! multiply that daily ) and the one that makes me shutter " You chose to have this done - let us live how we want " ( ok fine - be overweight and unhealthy forever. Im sorry I care. )
So ...
They warned us! What am I upset over?!
* And for the record I DID MAKE IT TO GROUP! and ironically the family/emotional bonds and ideals were topic. They were also talking about cycles and how obesity and poor habbits run in families. They were dicussing healthy alternitives and ways to handle it when the family does go out for " occasions " Ha! There was a reason to be there. It was a good time to cry, get this out and know that I am not wrong, that I am feeling and doing normal things.
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