Updates

Sometimes we get so carried away, I forget to do the things I need to do. Blogging does fall into my " needs " catagory. I need it to stay focused, and see where Ive been, where I am going and how I am getting there - often needing to take a different path. I seen my physco yesterday and for once had a smile on my face going in and coming out. Yes, as usuall I did cry during the apt. but this time, for the first time it was all happiness, releif even a little satisfication. She beleives I am getting stronger - more than that though I beleive I AM stronger. Ive come a long ways. A few short weeks ok there was talk of me being on the verge of a breakdown, going through alot and just in general a mess.
Maybe its not all perfect but its my life, and I am dealing with it - This is huge!
I am moving into my new body finally and fighting through the mental hell this has done to me. I would have never imagined going through this much turmoil esp with myself. Now I sing my song like a bird. I wish I would have heard other songs while I was looking into it - I would have learned much sooner how much I am like everyone else and I am the farthest thing from being alone.

It will be 2 weeks before I see Dr. Palmer again and I know I can do this...

Our vacation was fun. It was too short yet, just the right length all in one. It was here and then gone before we knew it.
Weve been home now a week, and have filled it with cleaning, settling back into a routne ( summer is ending, and we need to get back to normal ) and have jumped head first into the birthday party plans for Roo bug, school for michael, and school for me.

Mike is going to school to get his GED. He is still in hopes of joining the Air national gaurd. I am still on the fence about that issue, but either way am so proud of him for going back to school. Its been a long over due situation.

Madaya has an interview at a pre-schoool Monday at 2pm. She is just as excited as we are about it really. She loves being around other kids, and as much as I enjoy teaching her here, she needs and thrives on the company of other kids too. It will be good for all of us I beleive. If she doesnt get in here, Mike and I have said we will wait until I start college in the winter session, and then put her on campus with me in their center. Time will tell.

That means I am next - School that is, we are working on the financial aid part of it now. I beleive I want to finish my Social Work maybe a BA?! but in the mean time I will work on getting my Medical Insurance coding down, and could do that from home. Again time will tell and they will help walk me through it all. Ive also toyed with the ideas of becoming a phlebotomist, or maybe a ultrasound tech. Both of which may not happpen - risks to each one.

These weeks to come are busy for this family.
With the above mentioned activities theres also fall activities, festivals, programs, harvesting, birthday party for daya, Birthdays for vicky and toria, a JBF sale that I am again selling at, then HALLOWEEN... and dare I say by the time that is over here comes Thanksgiving and then the C word!!

As for us personally were doing really well. Mike is happy at work and working hard on his health for the gaurd ( and him ) and is down a total of 85+ lbs in the last year. I am now at 140-141 lbs with only 10-11lbs more to go before I hit goal. Madaya finally hit the 25lb mark while fully clothed :) Were all doing so darn well its unbeleivable sometimes.

Some of you have asked and heres your official answer, Yes -There is talk that perhaps another baby will be in the near future for us, but leaving that up to god for now.
we just experianced ( still going through ) a chemical pregnancy aka early misscarriage. We've choosen not to tell many or anyone and that brings issues on its own. Vacation was kind of hard because I was expecting to pass the pregnancy at anytime, but it didnt happen we were 6 weeks pregnant... well here we are still waiting and now may need a D&C and not many will know or understand. Were ok with it - as we said its not the right time, just yet. There must be another plan!
We have to wait to " try " until my weight is stable and at goal. We can't controll nature, only try to time things accordingly. Lesson learned.
Sucks. Suffering Silently though.

Summer has ended for us as for activities and crazyness. Its been nice to settle back in to our routine and get back to the root of things..... this weekend we will wrap up the landscaping in the front of the house for this year, get the toys in the yard cleaned up for fall/winter, and get the gardens gutted as much as we can. I am back to only running errands 1-2 days a week, and scheduling better and budgeting more! I like how that feels.
Mike is off on Sundays, Monday's and Thursday's and were back to our family days :)

Until our next big update ....